1-5-15

Time with Hunter just makes me love God more.

Life is more vibrant, more joyful. I feel truly alive.

Food taste better, Car rides are more fun. Walks are more enjoyable. The sky is more beautiful.

But most importantly, doing life with Hunter feels like living on a mission. Spending time with him doesn't feel selfish because it spurs me on to love people well. I know that we're on the same team and have the same mission, so I'm not afraid to put time with him on hold to make conversation with a stranger or spend time encouraging a friend or asking an employee how their day is going.

I am consistently encouraged by the way he lives with his eyes fixed on eternity and by the way he points me back there when my heart is prone to wander.

But as great as Hunter is, he isn't it. I don't try to cling to him or make him my god, because I know that what I need can only be found in Christ. So I still treasure him, but I hold him with a loose grip knowing that he is a gift, a sacrament whose purpose is to point me to worship.

Knowing and Cherishing Him more

There's a cool quote I read today that says:

 "The proper rewards are not simply tacked onto the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation." 

Our reward for reading our Bible isn't that we feel good about ourselves, or get what we want or get to check it off our to-do lists and go back to whatever we were doing before. Our reward is the activity itself! It's that we get to cherish Him more! Something that I wanted to share is that I hope no one left feeling guilty about needing to read the Bible more. Instead, I hope ya'll feel excited and encouraged that we get to know God and spend time with him!

“The schoolboy beginning Greek grammar cannot look forward to his adult enjoyment of Sophocles as a lover looks forward to marriage or a general to victory. He has to begin by working for marks, or to escape punishment, or to please his parents, or, at best, in the hope of a future good which he cannot at present imagine or desire.”

Again, our motivation for reading the Bible should not be to escape punishment or to please God. God doesn’t need us to spend time with him. God is completely self-sufficient and we aren’t. I don’t read the Bible to please God, I read it because I desperately need his truth to be re-written on my heart. Moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.   

Our reward is that we get to know God! It’s not whatever secondary gifts or feelings we get from it. It’s not the gifts he gives. It is that we get to see more of the giver.

Am I tuned in? If not, what am I tuning in to?

Tune my heart to sing thy grace

This is an excerpt from a bible commentary on the book of Job:
 How does God speak? He speaks sometimes through dreams. He speaks sometimes through visions. God can speak in various ways to people. I think, though, that our hearts need to be open to hear the voice of God. I believe that God is speaking and does speak quite often and we just don't understand that it is God speaking. We don't understand His voice. We're looking for some echo chamber type of voice. "Charles..." Oh God! You know, just expecting things to just reverberate. But God speaks in such beautiful, natural ways that we're not always aware that it is God speaking. God can speak to us through dreams. He can speak to us through visions. He can speak to us through angels. He can speak to us through His Word. He can speak to us through a friend. God can speak to us in many different ways, and you can't really limit the ways by which God speaks to a man.

Elijah said there was a fire; God wasn't in a fire. There was a horrible wind; God wasn't in the wind. There was an earthquake; God wasn't in the earthquake. And then there came a still small voice and God was in the still small voice (I Kings 19:11-13). Now that was that particular experience, but God can speak and did speak to Moses through the fire. God spoke to the jailer through an earthquake. God can speak in different ways. The fact is, God is speaking. Am I listening? Am I tuned in?

Would you believe me if I told you that in this room tonight there are all kinds of pictures and all kinds of voices? There is beautiful symphonic music in this room right now. And there's hard rock. And there's all kinds of sounds in this room right now. Now if you had a little radio and you would tune it, you could pick up all of the music that's floating through the air. Just by turning your tuner. Tuning in. You could see all of the pictures that are floating through the air. Hear the voices. But you've got to be tuned into them. Even so, God is speaking, but we're not always tuned in to the voice of God. It takes really, I think, a definite act of our own will of saying, "Lord, speak to me. Show me." And then waiting to allow God to speak to us. Listening to what the Lord might have to say. And I think that our mistake is that we're not asking God direct questions, and thus we're not getting direct answers. We're not listening enough to hear God speak to us. God has spoken once; God has spoken twice. He speaks in visions. He opens ears. He turns us from our purposes in order that He might keep us back from the pit.

Lately, a prayer of mine has been to see God throughout my day. I've noticed that after I close my Bible in the morning, my thoughts about Him cease and rarely return to Him throughout the day. It's crazy how quickly my attention and affections shift. Within minutes of no longer physically being in the Word, my priorities take a big turn. 

One of my favorite lines in a hymn called Come Thou Fount is "Tune my heart to sing thy grace." It reminds me of the process of tuning my guitar. I sit there and in the quiet, carefully checking each string against the electronic tuner. There is no noise and no outside influence to disrupt the process... The quietness allows me to be precise. If even one string is out of tune, it just doesn't sound right when I play. I can still play, but why would I settle for a discordance when taking the time to tune each string will result in a most beautiful harmony. That line in Come Thou Fount reminds me of how badly I need God's direction. I need his truth and his truth only to "Tune my heart."

Lord, tune my heart to your truth today! When I try to do things on my own, it just doesn't work right. Would you turn and tweak my priorities until they line up with yours? Help me to shift my own attitudes to agree with yours instead of the other way around. Make me aware and forgive me of the times when I have tried to trivialize your word to suit my own desires. Tune my heart to sing Thy grace!

Job 31-34 1/12/16

Mornings with Jo

I’ve worked at traditions for about a week now and I’ve already made new friends with the workers there. One of which is my friend Jo, who I’ve mentioned in a previous post.  Jo and I talk pretty regularly. When I show up to work at 7am, I can count on him to show up about 15 minutes later. We usually discuss the Bible and what God is teaching us. This morning, Jo told me that he is reading a book called “What is the Bible all about?” that gives a commentary on each book of the Bible. Jo also mentioned that he wants to be a better husband so had been reading what God’s word says about that. I recommended Matt Chandler’s the Mingling of Souls, which I’ve only read a couple chapters from but have really enjoyed.

I tell Jo stories about my crazy friends and events throughout the week that impact me. I was telling him this morning about how my dad is a police officer and it turns out that Jo’s dad, who recently has passed, was also a police officer. There is something so special about that unity that we have in Christ. This man, who is twice my age, has a different occupation, and is in a different place in life, still has so much in common and so much to teach a young, college student, because of Christ.

This is Chuck Smith’s commentary on Job 31-34:

“and what shall I answer him? Did not he that made me in the womb make him? and did not one fashion us in the womb?”

Now Job is speaking here of the fact that he had not really lorded over his servants, that he had looked upon them as equals. "We were both, all of us, created in the womb."

It's really a tragedy when men begin to think themselves superior to others. Rather than realizing that all of us have been created by God and in God's eyes there is no ranking, there is no superiority. 

That, of course, goes for male/female, it goes for bond or free. We are all one in Christ Jesus. And yet, it seems that man is always trying to exalt or elevate himself above others. Trying to put himself in the position of higher. "I want others to bow to me. I want others to do obeisance and the whole thing." And that's tragic that men develop these rankings in which they seek then to promote and give honor and flattery and all to each other.

Man, I can relate to this. It’s humbling to be reminded of my state before Christ raised me. I had no righteousness, nothing to offer, and was dead in my sin. When I initially read the commentary above about looking upon people as equals, my thoughts immediately went to successful business owners and people who do minimum wage jobs. Yes, there is quite a disparity there. Being reminded that we are all fashioned by God is much needed. But as I read that commentary once more, I thought of my status vs. Christ’s status. I think it goes without telling that I am nowhere near the position of Christ. Yet, unrightfully so, Christ has raised me from my low estate and clothed me in his righteousness.

Ephesians 2:6 says, “Even when we were dead in our transgressions, God made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.…”

When we were as unequal as it gets, Christ came down to the level of a bunch of hopeless sinners and chose to do life with us and then die on a cross because we couldn’t save ourselves… If this doesn’t bring you to your knees, you are missing the whole point of the gospel.

I think this group of verses from Philippians titled “Imitating Christ’s Humility” appropriately ties together those verses from Job to how we are called to take action:

 “Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!

Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Philippians 2:1-11

I think “humbling ourselves to death on a cross” can look like a lot of different things… It might look like taking care of a friend who is vomiting on the floor because they’ve had too much to drink… or stopping to talk with a friend who is in need of Gospel love… or even fiercely and selflessly loving someone who you know won’t love you back.

I know the Gospel is changing me. It is rewiring me to be countercultural and is making thoughts that are counterintuitive more automatic and natural.

Lord, thank you for this reminder of the Gospel. I pray that my actions today would reflect the changes that my heart has undergone because of your great sacrifice through Jesus Christ. 

God is still teaching... so I am still writing

Jo Traditions

Jo is one of the custodial workers in Traditions hall. I briefly met him yesterday during my morning desk shift.

Jo walked up to the desk and asked me how school was going. He told me that he gets to work at 7 so he can find parking and then waits to start at 8. A short answer turned into an hour long conversation. As we began to get deeper into conversation, I felt myself having a hard time. Instead of seeing conversation with Jo as an opportunity, I started to see it as an inconvenience. As I prayed for eyes to see, the Lord gently reminded me that I was not entitled to quiet time at the desk. He reminded me that my job was an opportunity to know people.

Jo and I talked about the residence halls on campus and shared thoughts on working for housing. He told me that he has been working in Traditions since it opened four years ago. Suddenly, our conversation shifted.

“You believe in God, right?” Jo asked.

“Yep.”

Jo talked about how no matter where housing put him, he wanted to do his work well.

I asked him where he went to church. He told me that he goes to a small church called Woodville.

I told him about Grace and Peace in Austin and what a blessing it is to be able to connect to people, even if just for a short time, because of the Gospel.

Jo’s father passed away this past November. As Jo recounted the story to me with tears in his eyes, he also told me how God has used that suffering to bring him closer to God.

“Wow, that’s really difficult but isn’t it crazy? That we can still have hope in suffering and know that God loves us enough to bring us to himself in the suffering” I shared.

Jo and I sat in silence a moment as we acknowledged the wonderful mystery of the Gospel.

“So”, I asked Jo, “How did you know to ask me if I believed in God?”

“I could just tell,” He replied. “You just have this glow about you.”

Jo and I talked a little while longer about being confident in the Lord.  He told me how even though he missed his dad, he is able to be glad because he’s not in pain. “You know, I was having a similar thought the other day,” I mentioned. “This guy I’m dating visited for a few days and is now headed to study in New Zealand. It’s easy to worry because there is so much traveling…what if something terrible happens… but I’ve found myself being extremely at peace. Instead of worrying, I can know with confidence that even if something were to happen, I would rather him be at home with God than here with me.”

This response doesn’t make sense. What could give me the kind of confidence to make a bold statement like that? Only the victory of Jesus Christ gives us the capacity to rejoice in suffering and no longer fear death.

Lord, I am amazed by the mystery of the Gospel and how you love us. I pray for eyes to see today… that nobody would be an inconvenience and that you would lift my eyes. Remind me that this world is nowhere near as good as it gets! Thanks for an encouraging morning getting to know Jo and connect because of the cross. 

The Donut

It's crazy how quickly my flesh tries to persuade me. This morning I had to be at work at 7am. I figured I would stop by Dunkin Donuts and grab a coffee to sip on while at work.

As I walked in, I felt the Spirit nudge me to buy a donut for the Night Staff worker who I would be relieving this morning. The job of Night Staff is to man the desk from 11pm-7am. I cannot imagine how tired I would feel at the end of that shift. My own shift from last night came to mind and how hungry I was after just 3 short hours at the desk. "Okay, let's do this" I thought, but a very different attitude came to mind when it was time to actually do it. "I only make 8 dollars an hour... it doesn't make sense for me to spend money buying other people donuts..." It was indeed a war between living in the spirit or living selfishly according to my flesh.

By the grace of God, it only took 45 minutes of being awake this morning to realize how badly I need Him.

So long story short, I bought the donut and gave it to Night Staff when I arrived at work. She had been telling me how she now had to go over to another building because they were short on workers... then she would be able to sleep for 2 hours before going to class. It was pretty apparent that she wasn't having the best morning. That got me thinking... When God has me in a season of joy or blessing, it is not just for me to feel comfortable. It is a rare circumstance in which I can joyfully serve others who are in a dry season of their own. Hmm, I've never thought of it like that before.

Lord, thank you for graciously reminding me to seek first the Kingdom of God this morning. I pray that you would continue to nudge me to serve others today and give me your spirit in order to walk in obedience. Thanks for a season of joy and help me use it to serve you better. Amen.

In keeping with the theme of this blog...

These past semester has taught me a lot. I can now update software to a braillenote, and teach career skills, and talk to middle schoolers about social skills. I have learned more than I ever expected at Texas School from the Blind and from the people I've encountered in Austin. But despite all I have learned, I come back to the theme of "Knowing I know nothing."

I went to Texas feeling close to God and thinking I had a pretty good grasp on "faith". I endured long nights of feeling hopeless and despair, and I had great moments of victory. My heart is no doubt changed. If I'm being honest, the process felt a little something like this: feeling fine, starting to doubt, having my heart ripped out and remolded, patiently healing from God's surgery, and then feeling a new heartbeat of faith.

It is amazing to me how I can know so much but know so little about God at the same time. But please don't get me wrong, it is a great relief and comfort to "Know that I know nothing." I would so rather rely on God's all-encompassing wisdom than my incomplete human knowledge.

So I sit here, still fully owning up to and gladly admitting that I "Know I know nothing." But praise God that his grace and knowledge is sufficient for me.

Wendell Berry

The Parable of the Rich Fool

¹³ Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

¹⁴ Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”¹⁵ Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

¹⁶ And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. ¹⁷ He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

¹⁸ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. ¹⁹ And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

²⁰ “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

²¹ “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

Wendell Berry comments on this passage in Luke by stating: "The offense seems to be that he (the rich young man) has stored up too much and in the process has belittled the future, for he had reduced it to the size of his own hopes and expectations. He is prepared for a future in which he will be prosperous, not for one in which he will be dead.”

I read this and think, of course I agree with Wendell Berry! Upon further examination of my heart and intention, however, I realize that I still have much to learn about trusting the Lord.

Some questions that I have been reflecting on are:

1)    What do my actions reveal about the state of my heart as it relates to this passage?

2)    In what ways do I attempt to store up possessions to be comfortable for the future?

3)    What are my expectations for the future? How do those agree/not agree with God’s expectations for my life?

4)    What kind of future am I preparing for?

These are my thoughts after only briefly processing the fourth question: I want to be preparing for a future in heaven. And if heaven has everything I could ever need, why do I continue to try to pack for a place in which I cannot take my luggage? I want to live a life with “just enough”… meaning, I want to live generously and simply. I want to let my possessions bless others and not hold onto them so tightly knowing that they will really only be useful in this life. I cannot bring them to my next destination, so why not use them really well here?