Warning: This will disgust you

      It took vomit in a water fountain to make me realize how much Jesus loves me.

     I can’t say I ever thought I’d say that and I certainly didn’t imagine waking up to clean someone’s vomit on a Friday night. For all of you who are grossed out, that’s completely okay. It’s disgusting. But as much as I didn’t imagine doing this on my Friday night, I also didn’t ever picture myself saying a prayer of thanks to God for it.

     At around 3 o’clock I woke up to my phone ringing and a text message from one of my co-workers telling me about the incident. I asked if she needed help but she told me everything was under control. Before I knew it, I was up and out of bed walking to her floor of the building. I’m not sure why I didn’t just take her word for it and fall back asleep. I'm not sure what compelled me to action. But I am sure that I am extremely selfish most of the time, and 3 o'clock in the morning was no exception. Part of me still can’t believe it…  But there I was, running to the bathroom and grabbing handfuls of paper towels.

      Earlier this week, I was extremely discouraged and frustrated with certain things about my new job. I was tired of how rude the students were and how disrespectful they acted towards me. I felt angry because I felt entitled. I felt that I deserved all of their respect and they just weren’t giving me any. The smallest things would make me upset. One of their sly comments to me as they walked by or just being looked at the wrong way completely set me off. I realized how my lack of patience and grace was affecting me and as badly as I wanted to let God help, I just didn’t feel like asking him for any.

      Something about me was strangely peaceful tonight. Just yesterday a simple comment would make me enraged but this mess in the water fountain didn’t upset me at all. As gross as this is, the first thing that came to mind was “Thank God they did it here and not on the floor” instead of “I can’t believe they had the nerve to do this. I’m going to knock on every single door until someone decides to own up to this.”

      There is something surprisingly humbling about cleaning up vomit at 3am. Humbled… this is the word that kept going through my head the entire time. Not enraged, not furious, not disrespectful, just humbled. As I stood there literally cleaning up another humans mess, this crazy thought came to mind. This is what Jesus did for me. When in all of my self-righteousness I made this huge mess of sin and left my mess for someone else to take care of, He took full responsibility. He didn’t once think, “I don’t deserve this”, but instead when I was unable to clean up my own mess, He did it for me.

      My sin is so filthy. When people think of vomit they cringe, and for some it’s one of the filthiest things imaginable, but I was hit with the realization that my sin is still more revolting. My sin is absolutely disgusting but thankfully God doesn’t see it as just that. Because of what Jesus did for me, although I am defiled and unworthy, all God sees is righteousness.

      I still can’t completely wrap my mind around this concept. That God loves me SO much that even on my worst day I am deeply loved by him. I can’t understand how even when I am standing before him completely filthy that all he can see is the good about me. I can’t believe that God still pursues me even when I am unfaithful. But He does.

     The ways God chooses to reveal himself to us are strange. Tonight as I witnessed His grace through a pile of throw up in a water fountain I realized that God never ceases meets me where I’m at. That although I am stubborn, He still pursues me and wants what is best for me. Tonight I witnessed His mercy in a whole new way.  Tonight it took cleaning up vomit to realize how much he loves me and what Jesus paid for me.

 

Psalm 139:5-12

"You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you."