Psalm 63

Lately it seems like God is really chipping away at my heart. From learning about how to be generous with money to realizing that honor and esteem do not belong to me. I’m here to serve. “But God, my time can be used better someplace else. I’m not being challenged. The world doesn’t care if my student learns the routes to her classes. Why can’t I be in ministry? Why here? Why this?”

Christina, my son left His throne to serve.

Wow, what a powerful reminder filled with grace and truth. Jesus, the King of Kings, became a man but didn’t live as a king on this earth. He knew his worth, but never once demanded to rule an empire or for the current king to fork over the throne which so rightfully belonged to him. He bowed to the Father’s will and humbly served.

I’m learning how to live moment by moment by God’s strength. It’s like a constant lifeline that I’m connected to… I can’t unplug myself for a single second without crashing.  I’m tempted to think that I can just go, recharge, and leave until it’s time to run back again. However, I am becoming so aware that I won’t get very far. There’s not a single second that I don’t need to be drawing my strength from Him.

Im finishing week two of my internship at the Rehabilitation Center for the Blind and I’m exhausted. I’m spiritually and physically dry. 

“You, God, are my God,

Earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

My whole being longs for you,

In a dry and parched land where there is no water.”

Psalm 63

My soul is so thirsty for God. The only problem is that I’m neglecting the first part of that passage: “Earnestly I seek you.” I desperately know I need to drink and I know where the well is, but I’m either too lazy or prideful or busy to actually go.

Lord, help me run to you. I don’t have the strength on my own to even get there, so strengthen my feeble bones and bring me to your fount. I am weak and needy. Please refresh my soul and help me rejoice in You!

I can hear your heartbeat, for the world you love…

I hear John 3:16 all over but it never really occurred to me that God loves the world. I always think of him being displeased with the state of how things are. It’s easy to focus my eyes on the negative. The innocent people being killed, the broken marriages, the stealing, the closed-hearted way we treat one another… sin is running rampant.

I know that it’s hard for my soul to tolerate what is going on around me. I often long for heaven because I can’t bear to look at the state of this broken world. But God doesn’t turn his head and say “Well, you’re all hopeless.” No, God loves the world. He fights for this world. He longs for things to be made new. He left His throne and the endless praise he was receiving and entered into our mess. He gave His Son. There is no greater love than that.

I think that I need to start fighting for the world that way that God does. First, I need to fervently pray for heaven to come here. I need to truly trust and believe that God will make all things new. Second, I need to be light in the darkness. I need to ask God to help me to love people well and in deep and earnest ways. Third, I need to take on the eyes of Christ and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me and strengthen me to even get anything accomplished.

Now don’t hear this. God does NOT love murder, he makes that clear in his word: “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”  Proverbs 6:16-19

However it is important to keep in mind that God is well aware of the state of how things are BUT, unlike me, he does not lose heart and he doesn’t want to flee the continent or hop on the first spaceship to Mars. No. God still loves this broken place. He doesn’t want to abandon ship. God knew the detestable sin that we were, and still are, capable of and yet “while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us.” The truth gives me hope in the love that defeated death and conquered the grave! Praise God for that!

Sheep Playdates

Today I went to Ponce Inlet. It's a bit south of Daytona and there's a lighthouse, a marine life center, and some little docks. There's not much to do there, but Patrick (a security guard that I met here on my first day) did tell me about the jetties down on the beach so I walked a bit in the general direction and found them, Bill Hughes style. I was pretty pumped about finding them because my goal today was to stand on the rocks and look out at the waves. Mission accomplished.

My PB&J was already thoroughly digested and my stomach began to politely ask for more food. So I looked up some restaurants nearby and found one called "Black Bean Cafe". I had some of the most tasty fish tacos of my life. It was a family owned business and the staff was super friendly. I was so satisfied, not only from the delicious meal, but because of the way God planned my whole day out for me. From watching the waves crash over the rocks on the beach all the way down to finding some lunch. It was all so effortless on my part but God was so clearly involved.

I headed back to my dorm and saw one of the dorm staff, David (I later learned his last name is Hughes) outside. We talked a bit and he asked what I had been up to. I think he's around my age, but he's pretty quiet and keeps to himself. As I was talking to him about some of the places I went, Patrick saw us through the glass doors and came out to join. After a solid day of solitude, it was nice to talk to some people.

Fast forward a few minutes and I ran into Patrick again as I wandered around the building... this place really isn't all that huge. We talked a bit and I thanked him for the suggestions on my activity itinerary that he wrote for me and gave me on Friday when I ran into him on campus. He asked what I had planned for tomorrow and I told him that I was gonna try out a church. I saw his eyes light up. I knew it... I just knew you had to be a believer. You know, there's just something about you, you just give off light. I told him that the other day when I talked to him I meant to ask him if he was a Christian because I also had my suspicions.

Wow, there's nothing more humbling and exciting than hearing from someone that they know you by your fruit and can tell that Christ is alive in you.

Patrick mentioned some things about how God has provided for him financially and even through meeting his wife. He told me how it had been a long awaited answer to prayer meeting her. (Patrick is in his forties and has a 3 year old daughter named Hannah).

 After talking abut our faith a bit... we basically talked about how creation just shouts God's glory and how we can't understand why people don't believe... we ended our conversation praising God and with a solid high five. I wish my words could adequately express how much joy there was in that hallway as two of God's children just bragged about how great their Father is.

I'm in awe tonight as I see how quickly God answers prayers.

 My first day here was a bit hectic, I arrived on Wednesday and immediately started working. I met my supervisor, Steve, and a woman named Holly who also works in mobility. I was pretty intimidated by them and could some major personality differences. I was convicted of my judgmental heart towards them but couldn't help but feel like "Really God? These people... This internship...This place..." On Friday I had a really good conversation with Steve about why he chose this profession. He also told me how much he genuinely cares about his interns and desires to see me grow from now until the end of the internship.

In only a few days, God has already been faithful. I'm excited to look back when it's all finished and be amazed at how God weaves this all together.

Lunch Break Thoughts

Lately it has been occurring to me how much we are expected to work at making other people like us.

The goal is to make a good first impression. –build rapport with the boss, listen to them talk (about themselves), go above and beyond, nod your head, politely laugh…

(*takes another bite of juicy chicken tender publix sub)

And boy am I feeling the pressure! There’s something so nice about others liking us but so tiring about the process of earning those affections. This all got me thinking about how different God is and praise God for that! We don’t have to work hard to please him in order for God to just “like” us… Rather, we get to come as we are, messy and sinful and broken, and God LOVES us.

I don’t have to find out what his favorite things are or ask about his latest accomplishments or hold doors for him or fan his ego…

God LOVES us. God just loves us.

We don’t do anything to deserve it… in fact, all we’ve really done through our efforts is prove how undeserving we are of it. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” Ephesians 2:4-5

What an unbelievably comforting truth. I can come as I am because of what Jesus has done for me. I don’t need to feel ashamed, inadequate, or overwhelmed about whether or not I will live up to expectations. Instead of striving, I can rest. I can rest and trust that Christ truly is enough. I can rest and trust that God’s approval is far greater than the approval of man. And I can rest that I am loved by God and accepted into His unshakeable kingdom, not based on my achievements, but because of grace alone.

Amen!