As I get ready to graduate in just a few hours, it’s
breathtaking to look back over the past four years and see God’s provision,
faithfulness, and plan for my redemption.
We always hear how he loves us, fights for us, protects us,
delights in us, and has good plans for us; Walking through familiar buildings
and hallways this week brings back fresh memories of all of the ways I have
experienced all of these things in just four short years.
I remember walking into my first class ever at FSU not
knowing anybody and being very worried that they would take attendance and
pronounce my last name incorrectly… (Seriously, it was a real fear and they
did). I remember sitting at a desk in this new environment and feeling like a
stranger. Having gone to private school since pre-k, I had the comfort of being
at the same school with my siblings and being known by all of the teachers. At
Florida State, it felt like I wasn’t known by anyone.
I left the Williams building on that first day of school feeling
defeated and sat on a bench outside. College was not as fun as everyone made it
sound. A few days earlier, I had a fight with a trusted friend and it seemed
like any sense of security I had was lost through hurtful words.
The first few weeks, I remember going out at night with high
school friends. It seemed like the goal was to get as drunk as possible in
order to enjoy the night, even if it meant not remembering much of it. I woke
up one morning after a not-so-classy night and as I walked home to kellum in
last night’s clothes and still feeling sick, I vividly remember thinking: “How
am I supposed to do this every weekend for four more years? I don’t think I can
do this…”
The first few weeks of college were less than ideal and
filled with great despair. Looking back on those weeks, it’s easy to have an
overwhelming feeling of shame or regret, but it is because of what God has done
that I can remember these difficult weeks with great joy. I think this verse
nicely sums up the great turning point:
“For we were so
utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.”
2 Corinthians 1:8
As I walked around this new campus realizing that my
“strength” just wasn’t cutting it, I cried out to God. I don’t remember the
exact words, but I flung up some sort of angry and desperate prayer along the lines
of: “God where are you? If you’re real you need to help me out or I won’t make
it.”
I look back on those times now and see how utterly hopeless
I was. I can remember taking many walks across campus alone and wondering what
I did wrong to be feeling the way I was. I was hurt, lonely, confused,
desperate, disappointed, and couldn’t imagine any way out— I was angry that a loving
God would allow so much hurt, but what I did not realize at the time was that
God’s love was entirely woven into that pain. It was through that death that
God chose to bring the means of my redemption; which pointed me towards an even
more beautiful exchange.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds
we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:3
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not
from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ
Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesians 2:8-10
When I decided to follow Christ, I don’t think I really knew
what it would cost and I certainly did not
realize it would involve suffering, but a kind of suffering I would be
willing to endure for the sake of knowing Christ.
I am continually amazed at how God continues to meet me where I’m at, not when I had my act
together, but when I kept running the other direction and refused to
acknowledge him… seeing him stoop down to lift me out of the pit of destruction
I was in and clean me off… and seeing a good shepherd carry home a lost sheep
and place me on solid ground.
There is not a doubt in my mind that I worship a GOOD
shepherd and that I am loved by a GOOD Father! A Father that knew that light
and momentary pain was necessary and better than an eternity spent suffering; a
Father that decided to break the legs of his sheep rather than let it continue
to wander in darkness. Today I am reminded of a time of darkness, but reminded
how because of grace I am able to see a more glorious reflection of my Savior
because of it.
Praise the God who faithfully brought me to my graduation
day!
"Comfort,
comfort my people,
says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that
her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that
she has received from the Lord’s hand
double for all her sins.
3 A voice of one calling:
“In
the wilderness prepare
the way for the Lord[a];
make
straight in
the desert
a highway for our God.[b]
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the
rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the
mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
6 A voice says, “Cry out.”
And I said, “What shall I cry?”
“All people are like grass,
and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the
field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the Lord blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.”
9 You who bring good news to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You
who bring good news to Jerusalem,[c]
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift
it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
“Here is your God!”
10 See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See,
his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and
carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young…"
Isaiah
40
