Delicate.

Susceptible to being easily Broken or Damaged.

Likely to be Destroyed or Overcome.

Vulnerable to the smallest threats

But how miraculous that through the Tossing and Shaking

During the violent showers

That the flower emerged Untouched. Unharmed. Undamaged.

Planted in a soil so devoid of nutrients

There was no chance it would one day bloom.

But the flower was not deprived nor did it wither.

Instead as the clouds rolled back, it emerged more radiant and lovely than before.

Surroundings and circumstances defeated

By an ever glorious cross

And only through that precious blood that was shed

Could life be brought forth.

Where did it’s nourishment come from.

From the Son. 

12/9 Draft

To treat no person as if they are an interruption or an "inconvenience" to the schedule I have in mind. Time is not mine but belongs to the creator of time.

Making a response with gentleness

What a blessing it is to be "interrupted" for the sake of setting aside myself to introduce others to Him in whom I have found my hope.

Deny yourself... I feel like God is constantly having to reteach me that my life is not my own.

God, I am so far from these things. But I pray that my hearts anthem would be "not my will, but yours be done."

I just didn't know

I did not know at the time,

That signing up for college meant:
Committing finances, freedom, and “finding” faith
Choosing a sensible career
Developing in maturity
An increased awareness of my fears of growing up
Breaking free from bondage of self and slavery
Diving headfirst into a major I knew nothing about
And staying longer and differently than anticipated.

I did not know at the time,

That following Jesus meant:
Giving up my plans, my pride, and my preferences for sin
Learning to love sacrificially
Reckless Obedience
Being called to love the seemingly unlovable
That it would cost everything.

And all the while I could not see it, oh, I could not even perceive it.
Oh but Lord,
I would not trade this sweetness for any amount of knowledge, other than the knowledge that your love knows no bounds.

And I still don't know. 

11/24/14

Carefully scribbled thoughts went from heart, to pen, to paper
Each private sorrow finally acknowledged

Everyone knelt
Not beneath but beside her pain
And control was given back in the form of light
The decision to strike a match & overcome

Some hands were shaking, others sturdy
Some burned fast & all at once
Others took time.
But all of them were in their own way, very beautiful.

Let's call her... Pink

I thought she was “evil”, no good, and lacking in truth

But today my calloused heart was able to feel

Her pain

Was able to appreciate

Her story

Could relate to

Someone who seemed so different

A girl who I once looked at with only condemnation and judgment

Was now seen through a lens of grace

Lord give me clean hands and a pure heart

The Color Gray

The color gray

I was attracted to you

Who knew

That the darkest shade of gray, could be replaced by blue

Curtains long closed

Open up to sunlight

A weary traveler

Has victory in sight

And as I peel back layers of disguise

The long road ahead has become a sunrise

As night became day, I was fully aware

That being dressed in color was not a one time affair

While dark walls turn white

And heavy garments tear off

My body took flight

Carried by a hook to His cross

As sand has been sifted

And a soul shaken by fire

Burdens light and lifted

And my gaze became fixed  higher

An Honest Prayer

It's time.

I'm ready for the last of these walls to be broken down
And I'm ready to heal your way

... I'm ready to experience a love I have never known before
... A love created by and rooted in you

And God, I place my raw and fragile heart in your tender hands
Will you take care of it for me?
It is yours for eternity.

And I await the day when I am face to face with you
And you open your hands

When my eyes behold a heart that seems familiar,
but I only faintly recognize

For it will be restored and all the old will be passed away.
And the old bleeding heart I once knew, has been made new.

11/9/14

A shocking discovery has been made this morning. Not shocking because it’s hard to believe but shocking because of how present it is and how oblivious I’ve been to it.

Pride.

It’s funny how pride works. My pride almost kept me from reading that specific chapter in a book because I thought to myself, that’s the least of my worries. I don’t struggle with pride too much…

Unexpectedly, I realized that every other problem & stronghold I had been trying to overcome (unsuccessfully might I add) was deeply rooted in pride.

Unbelief- pride causes my beliefs to waver. If I am worshipping myself it makes it awfully hard to worship God.

Insecurity- I’m insecure because I look at myself too much. I’ve noticed that when my eyes are looking at the glory of God, I don’t have racing thoughts of insecurity. Instead, I’m so absorbed in his majesty that looking away to stare at myself is no longer appealing.

Pride steals my contentment because it causes me to believe that I deserve much more than I have been given. False! I don’t deserve crowns and riches, I don’t deserve a glorious inheritance, but God gives anyways. That’s like a criminal being dissatisfied because they believe they should be on the cover of a magazine or receive some sort of an award because they think they’re a good person.  Pride causes me to believe that by my own merit, I am deserving of what God gives. A more truthful look at things reminds me that “it is by grace you have been saved, through faith.  And this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Satan tries to convince me that I am “well” and don’t need to call on the help of a doctor. The reality is that I’m desperately and ill and that by not calling on the Lord for help I am choosing to let a treatable illness (treatable by His strength only) progress so far that it becomes fatal. Pride kills us! It keeps us from asking for the help that will save us.

Because of my pride, I would rather die than admit that I need help. The only dying that should be taking place is death to myself, not death as a result of stubbornness.

Pride keeps me from worshiping the Lord and loving him with all my heart, mind, and soul.

Pride has convinced me that God’s plan for my life should parallel my own plans, and that if it doesn’t I don’t need to acknowledge it.

Although a fresh perspective on my sin can tempt me to despair, as I look to God and from myself I realize that I don’t stand condemned. His word reassures me that “where sin abounded, grace abounded more.” So as I acknowledge the sin that my deceitful heart has fostered for so long, I accept the grace freely given and ask for the Lord to make me well. 

A Coffee Date

This morning I had a coffee date with my dad. It was so nice to spend time with him… I mean I’ve called him here and there and we’ve kept in touch, but there’s nothing like catching up free of distractions.

I told him about what has been going on with school and life, and shared my most pressing worries. He responded with words of comfort and truth. He gently reminded me of all of the truths I know so well, but seemed to have forgotten somewhere in the everyday rush. As I read his words, they felt fresh and hit my heart in such a savory way.

As I sat there, just taking in his presence, I wished the time didn’t have to end. But I had classes to get to, jobs to do, and people to love! I felt better about most of the worries I had been carrying around all week, but still was unsure about the day before me. He reassured me that things would be okay, and I believed him, because he has never lied to me before.

I left with the comforting words he spoke:

 “If you need anything, just call me.”

As I pedaled towards campus, I felt new. There’s a confidence that comes from spending time with Him and it permeates my whole being. It’s a confidence I could never produce on my own…. A confidence only a Father’s love can give.  

***

Today I felt beautiful. Not because I did my hair, or put on makeup, or wore the fanciest outfit… I felt beautiful because God told me I was.

I am a woman of God

Redeemed by Jesus Christ

Loved, pursued, and chosen

Equipped with words of life

Clothed in strength and dignity

Commissioned here and now

Gifted by the spirit

Forgiven and unbound

Blessed is she who believed.

In my opinion, it’s hard to feel anything less than beautiful after hearing that statement. I am a daughter of the king. And a daughter of the king, is a daughter of the king! It doesn’t matter what she wears or how she looks …because her worth is found in an unshakable God.

10/14/14

I trust in You for every heartbeat
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes

Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control

I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see

Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control

Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward

Lord, I’ve been feeling so hopeless. It seems like there’s no goal or hope in sight and it is so easy to lose heart. Help me to know and trust that you are enough. Remind my soul to delight in you alone.

I think back to the other week and many times now when I have prayed for hope. It seems like I keep asking but feel no different. But I don’t think God’s desire for me is to wake up the next morning and just feel hopeful. I think he puts me in circumstances where I get the chance to choose hope, to choose to follow Jesus’ example and keep walking although all I’m seeing is what seems like my own death.

 You see, I’m not actually looking for hope. Hope has been here. I am learning how to choose and abide in hope. I keep falling into the temptation to think that hope is a feeling or the light at the end of a long tunnel, but it seems that hope looks more like a suffering Savior taking up his cross in obedience, making a way to the ultimate hope.

“Therefore we do not lose heart.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Charles Spurgeon said: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”  ...And hope gives me the confidence that one day this will be my soul's refrain.

God's Wisdom Revealed by the Spirit

“I was made for God’s glory. The reason I am on the planet is to bear the image of my Father. The Christian life isn’t an answer for blessings; it’s an answer for transformation.

… And I can rest myself in the hand of the great potter so he can make me with his creativity the masterpiece I was designed to be.” –Dan Mohler, Becoming Love

I want so badly to look at people and see them the way God designed them to be. I want to look at people through the lens of grace and love, throwing away my judgmental flesh in order to put on truth. This is the battle of my heart these days and my goodness it is such a challenge.

God, I thank you for the days when the not so pretty parts of my heart are exposed. I thank you that you won’t leave me that way, but that you love me enough to change me from the inside out. Help me to rest in your hands and surrender what my flesh so badly wants to hold onto. Help me trust in your wisdom and rid me of trying to whisper my own plans to you as you refine me. And above all else, let my heart be tuned by your Spirit and not by this world.

“What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. 

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:12-16

Transparent & Deep

Lord, I long to be transparent but deep...

I think of a calm lake, knowing that many times I can look in and see the life teeming on the shallower parts. But sometimes I have to actually get in to experience the rest that my eyes cannot behold just from simply looking. I want to be like that. Exposed and approachable, but also so deeply rooted that looking in the water only gives you a small glimpse of the work that is going on much deeper. God, draw people to your living water that you have deeply rooted in my soul!

Beautiful Brokenness

God has given us a beautiful brokenness in the light of the Gospel. This weekend as I looked into the broken eyes of young women, my heart was overwhelmed. Who told them they weren’t lovely? Who whispered that they simply weren’t enough?

But why were they still so lovely in the midst of this? What gave dead eyes such gentle hope?

As the women of FSU cried out in surrender this weekend, they were met with a Mighty Warrior. I saw strength being restored.

But these women weren’t met with self-help books or pep talks; they were met with a provision far greater. They were given an inheritance. They were given beauty from ashes. And their hearts were bound and sealed with perfect righteousness; righteousness through the lamb who was slain. 

Places long devastated were rebuilt and shame was diminished by everlasting joy.

Stop holding out empty cups to the world, stop pleading with things of this earth to fill you! Sit at the feet of Jesus and in faith believe that you have been forgiven.

Let the words of Isaiah 61 say what my fumbling words are trying to:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
⁵ Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

⁷ Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

⁸ “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.”

Life hurts

I think it’s safe to say that life hurts.

Tonight as I reflected on my day and desired to choose joy, I smacked my knee into my dresser. I sat there a moment as the stinging pain pulsed through my knee and finally subsided. As I lay there, feeling the still fresh pain, all I could think was one day this won’t happen anymore. Then I laughed. You see, I’m starting to catch on to Satan’s tricks these days. When we feel like we’re doing a good job of running the race, Satan uses sin and disappointments to trip us, leaving us in pain and feeling somewhat helpless.

I knew that the tempting anger was not truth as I recalled the thought I was having right as I hit my knee.  God had given me peace in the strangest of circumstances. I was thinking of everything that had not gone according to my own plans, and thanking God that He loves me enough to discipline me. Peace and joy flowed through my thoughts and I dwelt on the words “Christ alone.” … Christ alone is enough reason for joy, Christ alone produces peace, Christ alone is who I can put my hope in, Christ alone makes me whole…. Christ alone. No wonder my thoughts were interrupted by temptation and pain. Satan can’t stand the truth!

Sometimes it seems like God’s voice is hard to hear and other times it can ring clear as day. Sometimes we feel like we’re searching in the dark and other times a sting can awaken us and help us to pay attention. The slight physical pain reminded me of my human state. I’m still living in the flesh and there is earthly pain and discomfort that comes with that –disappointment, unmet expectations, and yes even physical aches. But thank God that there will be a day when we no longer feel pain and we won’t hurt anymore. I can lift my eyes and know that these afflictions truly are light and momentary, and there will be an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

"Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble."

Psalm 119:165

This week, God has brought me to His altar and to my knees. I feel like someone in those movies who is in the midst of a huge fiery explosion and then, just when the audience loses all hope, emerges from the fire unscathed. This is God's faithfulness.

Although it felt like the enemy's flaming arrows were coming from all directions and too innumerable to dodge, the Lord did not allow a single hair on my head to be harmed, just as He promises.

"You will be hated by all for my name's sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives."
Luke 21:17-19

God is faithful and true. He acts on His promises if we choose to claim them. Through this week, in times of despair I found that Psalm 49 pointed me towards the truth that He is an ever-present help in our troubles. When I was caught in a whirlwind of hopelessness, the Lord gently reminded me to be still and worship. Although I have by no means perfected this, the Lord has shown me time and time again that He is worthy of our complete trust and obedience.

Just a few weeks ago I was reading a devotion about faith. It described 3 different kinds of faith: 1.) acting on faith when there's evidence, 2.) choosing to have faith when we feel it, or 3.) choosing to step out in faith even though the world and our emotions tell us otherwise. As I read that, believing I was stepping out in the third and most obedient kind of faith, I didn't realize how much more God wanted to teach me about it. Throughout the whole situation, even though I did not believe it at the time, God was teaching me a lesson about what faith actually looks like.

So often, I feel like my "Christian walk" better glorifies God when I feel completely inadequate. When I finally come to the end of myself, I'm emptied, reliant, and broken at his feet. But it's in those times of weakness where the words of Paul reign true: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..."

Lord, help me to remember that being broken at your feet is far better than being whole on my own throne.

RA Training Debrief

Debrief

God has been giving me a much needed perspective change this past week. People are important. With the busyness of life though, sometimes I forget that very important statement. I am tempted to think that whatever task I’m trying to accomplish, or that even myself, is more important than genuinely loving the people around me.

The past few days of RA training have been heavy. Crushed dreams and past hurts have been resurfaced through reflective activities. I have been witness to many tears and people whom first seemed like nothing could faze them have taken on a new humanity. Hurt. It’s something so common but so untouched and unspoken about. It seems easier in this society of selfies and Netflix to avoid talking about the things that really matter.

God has been showing me a couple of things through these very raw past days. 1.) I am quick to judge and 2.) The world is in search of hope and healing. Even the most adamant agnostics have broken down and admitted that they simply aren’t enough. Lord, this world needs you! And oh, they are so aware of it.

These past few days I have felt weak. Completely void of life and energy. It’s been a weak of long days and not much time to myself. I have felt very incapable of “being an ambassador of Christ.” Instead, I have felt frustrated, unworthy, and sinful. I found myself being hard on myself, “Christina, you’ll never be a good witness to your staff if you don’t read the Bible and feel holy. I couldn’t have been more lied to.

The words from these songs come to mind: 
“Rid me of myself, I belong to you.” 
"The art of losing myself in bringing you praise." 

Although I don’t feel holy or worthy, I am worthy because he loves me. I’ve realized that the times in my life where I feel the most incapable and unequipped are the times when I’m most available for God. It’s the times when I stop trying to push my own agenda that God is able to reign in me. I’m slowly figured out what God means when he asks us to rid ourselves. He demands that we are unable to be filled by anything but His presence and grace. It is by grace that people are able to find me appealing in the slightest. Praise God rain has come to this desert soul!

Lord, help me to not forget that it is by grace that I have been saved and set free. Keep me humble and continue to rid me of myself. In those moments where I’m tempted to form judgments, remind me that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. Reign in my heart.

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Philippians 2:1-11

On the Move

Where God is, is home.

As I look forward to the next season of my life, I’ve noticed a deep insecurity about where I will be living. I am so scared to leave the familiar.

The other night, a friend spoke truth into this fear. She said, “The Idol is familiarity.”

Those words spurred so many thoughts. In the light of that truth, I was able to identify a huge source of this fear. The main reason I’ve been wanting to stay is because it’s comfortable and it’s familiar. Lately I’ve felt like I’m swinging in every direction and trying so hard to grab ahold of something. Perhaps the reason it’s so hard to grab onto truth is because my hands are too busy clinging to familiarity and comfort.

I, and a lot of other people, desire security. But comfort does not equal security, as I’ve been led to believe somewhere along this journey. The only thing that is secure is God and His faithfulness. We can be so comfortable yet so untouched by grace!

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the faith of people in the Bible. People were so willing to drop everything and go, even at a moment’s notice! The story of Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch in Acts 8:26 is a prime example of this. An angel of the Lord tells Philip to “Go south to the road -the desert road- that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” Do you know what Philip does? He goes. He doesn’t question or get a U-Haul to pack his things, he just goes. I mean, this is the desert we’re talking about! Wow, to have that faith and willingness to travel to the desert.

Something else God has been convicting me about is what does my idea of comfort look like? I find a lot of comfort in knowing. When we know our surroundings well, it’s easier to trust. I’ve been realizing that I really desire the familiar, because it gives me a Plan B. Should something go wrong, I can “lean on my own understanding” and hopefully figure something out. This is what the Lord says to that:

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:8.

I believe that stepping out in faith looks like having no other options besides God. See how faulty my Plan B mentality is? If I know where I’m going, why would I have to trust God on the journey? But when I am walking by faith, not by sight, I have no choice but to fix my eyes on Him.

The next question that God brought to mind was, “Who do you love?”

After people get married, they are oftentimes willing to move to another state, even country, to follow the one they love and be with them. We are willing to move away from our friends to start a new life with the one we love. Why wouldn’t I do the same for God?

We follow that significant other for the security they offer. But how much more secure is God? How much more will HE provide? How much more does HE love us?

God loves us with an unfailing love, and is the reason we are able to love in the first place. God’s love is sufficient. God’s love is greater than anyone else’s love in this entire world. If He promises unfailing love and to supply my needs, why would I be willing to follow a spouse and not God?

Maybe it’s so hard for us to move, because we have so many strings attached. Those strings are limiting our movement and freedom! Lord, cut those strings so that we might walk in freedom once again! Keep me from tying myself down with worldly comforts when your word says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free!”

Increase my faith God! Remind me that I am deeply loved by you and that no other love unless satisfied first through you is safe. Give me the glow of a woman who is loved and give me the faith of someone who is chasing after you. Lord, wherever you call us is home. Because you are our home.

Home for a wandering sheep

The past day or two, God repeatedly keeps telling me “Where God is, is home.”  

I’ve also been reminded over the course of these days that I’m a sheep.  

The image comes to mind of a little lamb, wandering around through pastures. The hills around me are huge, and I’m so fragile. 

I keep longing for my home. I keep asking the shepherd to bring me home, to bring me to a place where I can rest. 

But then God reminds me that where my God is, is my home.  He gives me a picture of a tender shepherd picking up this lost sheep, and holding it close to his heart.

Home is not where we are or a destination we’re trying to get to. Home is my journey with my shepherd and rest is found, not in a place, but in his arms. Rest is found when my little legs stop moving and my ears listen to his heartbeat.

 God tells me that home is being carried by my shepherd.

John 1

“The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” 

John 1:29

Lately I’ve been having a hard time “walking by faith.” I know what God has promised, but I’m having a hard time believing that I will one day experience it! My soul wants to believe but my mind wants the proof.

A while earlier as I was reading in the 1^st chapter of the Book of John, I was blown away by the faith that I read about. From the first verse of that chapter, John was declaring that Jesus is the Messiah. John goes throughout Jerusalem telling everyone that “He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me” and “I am the voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.” And I mean, He told everyone.

He who comes. Do you realize how much faith it takes to declare that? Although John has not yet seen the Messiah (at least not that I can find in the scriptures) he is declaring, not that He will come or might come, but He comes!

As I read through this chapter, I was amazed at how persistent John was and how he put His own reputation on the line by declaring (or announcing officially) that Christ has come! If I was in John’s position, I’d like to believe I would act similarly, but I have a feeling my thoughts would be more like this: What if he doesn’t come? What if I tell all of these people He’s coming and He doesn’t show up?

Guess what happens next, though? He comes!

As John is baptizing people with water and assuring them that “One mightier than I” is coming, He sees Jesus walking toward Him.

Can you even imagine that? Seriously, imagine that while you are speaking of something you are absolutely sure will happen, it happens right before your eyes! This is faith coming to life.

I long for this kind of faith! A faith that is true to its definition… trusting with confidence without needing to see proof. I have already heard and read the promises. The people in the Bible had not yet seen, but still they believed.

After reading this, I can’t help but draw a parallel to John preaching about the coming of Christ, and our own responsibility to announce that Christ will come again. Do we announce His coming with a whisper? Perhaps we announce it with a maybe? Worse yet, we might not announce it at all.

 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

God, help us to announce with confidence that Christ comes. At the end of this road, I pray that while we are in the midst of declaring and baptizing, we would be met with Christ walking towards us as we walk in obedience.

6-23

This morning I am thankful for new mercies and a fresh look at the Gospel. I always find myself overwhelmed by grace when, in the seemingly mundane, God takes the time to weave His story into my circumstances. 

Earlier as a rode my bike to work, I felt very physically spent. As I pedaled across campus, my attention was drawn to the weakness in my legs and the tiredness that was spread across my body. My thoughts kept bringing me to this idea of my legs having to carry the weight of the rest of my body. How could my own legs not support me?  In that moment, I felt very weak. Not the same weakness brought on by being physically tired, but a weakness brought on by being undone by the Gospel. 

In the light of the Gospel, I realized how incapable I was. I realized that my own strength could never be enough to save me. I know this sounds self-defeating, but it was quite the opposite. It was freeing. 

You see if I just realized I couldn’t fix this problem that would be bad news. But the goodness of it all is that Jesus “pedaled my bike” for me. While I was still a sinner, Jesus bore a load that I could not ever lift. As a result, my sin died with Jesus on that cross in exchange for His righteousness. 

I grew tired when traveling a little over a mile uphill with the help of a bicycle. My Savior traveled far more than that with the weight of a cross. And this is just the physical journey. While Jesus in human form made a journey far greater than my own body would allow, he also emotionally did something I could never handle.    

Not only a wooden cross, but the sins of all mankind, rested on His shoulders. 

Jesus was not only carrying his own weight, but the weight of a cross and the past, present, and future sins of an entire world. Think of your own sins that you’ve committed? I know that I have a pretty lengthy list of my own. Now imagine that times billions more. I can’t even imagine the emotional burden, but Jesus bore it all. 

So how do I respond to this? I walk into that freedom totally aware that it is a result of no effort of my own, and I give up everything to get to know the one who set me free.