Yesterday I drove to a community group potluck at around 5. I
noticed myself on edge and frustrated by a prior bean purchasing incident at
Walmart. I just wanted to run in and out but, of course, found myself stuck in
a check-out line for 15 minutes behind a woman who took her coupons very
seriously.
As I made my way over to Hope’s house, God helped me snap out
of my ungrateful attitude.
Christina, remember just a few months ago when you drove this
same route to your very first community group? … Having no idea what to expect
but praying and trusting that I would provide community. Well I did! And now
you’re driving to share a meal with these people who have been such a blessing
for the short time you have known them.
My clenched fists opened and praised the Lord for his
faithfulness. After some really refreshing time eating and playing games, I
headed out to go to my friend Liz’s house. I pulled up and joined Liz, Jenn,
and Savannah on her porch for some tea and chilly fellowship. It was so sweet
to my soul to be able to sit and share life and have conversation about what
God has been doing with these new sisters in Christ in Tampa.
At around 11:00 pm Jenn and I headed out, deeply satisfied
from the fellowship that had God’s goodness written all over it. Jenn had
reached out to me earlier in the day and asked if she could stay the night at
my place. I asked if she wanted to follow me to my apartment but she said she
had the directions and would meet me there.
15 minutes or so later, as I turned onto Brandon Causeway I
answered a phone call from Jenn. When I saw she was calling, I figured she probably
needed directions or help with the gate.
Jenn calmly started
speaking: “Christina, I just got T-boned. I was just following the directions…
I can’t move. I’m fine… They’re taking me to the hospital…”
…”Hi Christina, I’m one of the paramedics.
Your friend is fine but we need to take her to the hospital because of the
severity of the impact.”
“Okay. Wait,
where are you going? Can I meet you there? ” Click.
A million different thoughts and scenarios rushed through my
mind. Pray. I need to pray. I called Liz and told her the situation as calmly
as I could. Pray with me.
I asked God for these things:
Please give
Jenn calmness and peace that only comes from you.
I pray for
the doctors who treat her. Give them wisdom and help them care for her.
I pray that
she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with the logistics and details with the car and insurance.
I showed up a little while later at Tampa General. I felt
more calm after praying and worshipping as I drove there. I walked into room 4
of the ER to see both of my friends. Jenn looked at me and her eyes immediately
filled with tears. I held her hands and just stared at my friend, thanking God
that she was in front of me and safe.
Jenn shared that she felt strangely calm when she got there… “Idk
if it was from shock or what.” And everyone here that’s taken care of me has
been so nice. My car is totaled but it’s okay. Those were the exact three
things I had prayed for her. Yes, God hears our prayers.
The next few hours were filled with worship. I shared with
Jenn something that I had been learning recently. God’s love doesn’t always
look the way we want it to… it’s not always the warm and fuzzy kind of love.
Sometimes it hurts or feels more like discipline than love. But it is so
obvious that God loves and cares for you, even through this.
As Jenn processed through more of the shock, I sat there so
encouraged by her worshipful heart. Jenn felt weak, rightfully so, but there’s
something about being rocked by the transience of life that made even the two
women sitting by her bedside equally as weak.
As I listened to Jenn quietly and with heavenly calmness say,
“We just never know when our last moment will be” I was caught by the
weighty-ness.
Weighty-ness:
Can you imagine how
people who don’t know the Lord respond to situations like this? Yes, with a
weighty-ness but one born out of fear. A realization of their impermanence that
causes them to panic and consider what their purpose is and why they’re here.
But can you imagine how a person who knows that God is with
them responds? With a confidence knowing that this momentary suffering is
God-ordained and is indeed just that, momentary. They know that their life is
temporary but they do not fear death because they know their life is secure
with Christ. It’s a different kind of weighty-ness… one that acknowledges the sovereignty
of God and his mercy towards the lowly.
The past 24 hours have been a lot to process.
But I am confident of this:
God loves me. And gave himself for me. And I get to know him
and enjoy him forever… even after I take my last breath in this temporary body.
Life is a gift and God is such a gracious gift-giver.
Lord, I
thank you that we can know you. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to live life
apart from you but that I get you. I get to worship you through the hard stuff
and know that there is divine purpose weaved into everything I experience. I am
reminded that my salvation is a gift. I can take no credit for knowing you… “And
if you had not loved me first, I would refuse you still.” I could do nothing to
work my way to you, but in your great mercy you gave me yourself. Thank you for
the body of Christ and that even though Jenn’s family is in Georgia, that Liz
and I could love her by your strength. Thank you for the opportunity to love and serve Jenn last night. It is so obvious that you care about
Jenn so much. Keep my eyes heavenward. Thank you for making even the most
unideal circumstances an opportunity to worship you and behold your glory.
Amen.
