The past summer months have brought floods of emotions and thoughts... It's been a season of mountains and valleys and everything in between.
... they've involved many quickly changing events, feelings, and cities. From Tally to Ft. Lauderdale to St. Louis to San Francisco to New Zealand --and back again to San Fran, the Lou, and SoFLo. Then to Daytona Beach, a few weekend trips back and forth to Tampa, and ultimately ending up in Tampa at my first teaching job.
It's not something that I think writing about can adequately express. I am reminded of the extreme reluctance and fear that I had going into my time at Daytona. The first week left me frustrated and confused... Lord, why would you bring me
here? Why this major? Why can't I be anywhere else?
When I first start out in a new place or find myself in an unfamiliar circumstance, my first reaction is often to doubt and question and doubt some more. I have such a hard time believing that God is exactly who he says he is and that he will do everything he promises, and then some! But I am consistently left speechless by God's grace and power
when he shows up! ...not
if but
when.
In Daytona, God showed up in the form of a spirit-filled and encouraging security guard. My prayers for discipleship and community did not fall on "deaf ears", instead they were carefully answered according to a purpose that was bigger than my own. God showed up in the form of students who taught me what it means to labor and believe and hope! Clients who initially seemed difficult or undesirable became a joy to work with and taught me about the value of patience. As I learned to challenge them and take risks, I witnessed freedom. I gave high-fives, bought mountain dews, accepted sincere apologies, rejoiced after successful street-crossings, and salsa danced.
God provided what I need, when I needed it. He gave me my daily bread through the encouragement of an eternity-focused security guard. He chiseled away my sins of selfishness through the daily "frustrations" of running into students and staff after work hours (what can you expect when you live where you work.) He grew my compassion for people who are walking through recent vision loss and are fearful of what their lives will be like.
Although it's not what I would have chosen, God continues to teach me that I can fully, confidently, and expectantly trust Him.
Lord, help me to not lean on my own understanding. You were faithful before, you are faithful now, and you will be faithful again. Thank you for your grace in giving me what I need and what is best for my soul. Thank you for your grace in saying no when I beg for my "cup" to be taken from me. And thank you for your grace that keeps flowing and sustaining me as I walk forward holding tightly to your hand. Amen.
