As I sat and listened to my “Christian
Playlist” on iTunes, I realized that I was ashamed to call myself a
Christ-follower because of my actions. I sat there and knew I was wrong. I knew
that the fight that I was trying to win, I had already lost. I had let my pride
win. But I also knew that a more important victory had already been won on my
behalf that I could never earn. That was the victory that my eyes needed to be
fixed on.
As I turned around, tears in
my eyes, and said, “You can have my seat”, I felt a humility that I hadn’t felt
in a long time. Having to admit I was wrong and give up to something I was
clinging onto so tightly was difficult. Having to unclench my fists and look
the person I wronged in the face and say, well actually you see I’m acting like
a child… that’s not a fun thing to do. As I tried to fix my mistake, things
didn’t exactly go how I thought they would. She began to retaliate with “I’m
not sure why you’re so upset, I told you that was my seat number…” the tears
kept rolling. But then something happened.
It’s a strange thing when
our walls come down. We can be whoever we want to be, but only for so long. Today
what is valued most by society is strength. We want people to see us as someone
who is strong and independent. It isn’t attractive to be weak or vulnerable,
two characteristics that Christ values.
But he said to me, “My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses,
insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am
strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“God chose what is low and despised in the
world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that
no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are
in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification
and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in
the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:28-31
The human side in both of us
came out and instead of trying to keep up this front with her, I finally
admitted, “No no, it’s not the seat. That’s not important to me. I’m just
crying because I’ve had a rough day, that’s all. Please don’t feel bad!”
Without even thinking, she reached over and hugged me. Yes, the girl I was just
arguing with was now embracing me and comforting me. She quickly left her seat
and came to sit near me. She asked what was wrong and continued to hug me. Now
I was just crying because of how touched I was. As you can imagine, I was a hot
mess.
As I looked into the eyes of
my new friend, all I could see was Christ. I saw Christ reminding me of His
promises and shifting my focus from something as insignificant as fighting over
a bus seat, to reminding me that we are called to be His hands and feet. I saw
His eyes of mercy looking right back at me reminding me that even though I constantly
fail and get it wrong, His forgiveness is waiting and it’s not too late to turn
around (literally) and get it right. I felt His embrace. I saw His nail pierced
hands reminding me that He died so that I didn’t have to fight. He
conquered death so that I could rest in His victory and not my own.
We sat
and talked and she apologized for what had happened. All of that aside, we just
talked. We talked about school, and life and enjoyed each other’s company. We
quickly realized we had a lot more in common than the fact that we both rode
red coach buses. As we talked, she told me about how she had not always come
off so harsh but was now hardened by years of betrayal and disappointment. It
hurt me to see how she had been carrying all of that for so long. I told her
that it was no coincidence we were talking because I had experienced a lot of similar
hurts. I listened and knew God was at work in our conversation.
The book I had been reading
when the whole argument started, “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore, is all about
letting go of past hurts and giving them to God for healing. I offered it to
her to pass the time on the ride knowing that God didn’t just happen to give me
the desire to bring it.
There’s something powerful
about having the opportunity to be used by Christ when we’re the least prepared.
(We’re never worthy, that’s for sure!) But it’s the times when I’m most
overwhelmed by my own sin and I need to
preach the Gospel to myself that I can do so unselfishly as a witness to
others. It’s the times when I realize that I’m ill as well that I can sit with
others in the same boat and do so out of compassion instead of fear of
infection.
Lord, help us to keep our
eyes focused on you. The second we remove our gaze is when our vision gets
blurry and we forget all you have done for us. I pray that you would give us
hearts for the lost but remind us that we’re constantly in need of you as well.
Keep us in tune to what you’re doing and help us to desire your will above our
own. Amen..
“For our light and momentary troubles are
producing for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all. So we
fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18
"Then Jesus told his disciples, “If
anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and
follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever
loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he
gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return
for his soul?"
Matthew 16:24-26
