Christmas in July

The day is drawing near. There is anticipation. There is excitement. There is a fleeting sense of reality and an increasing sense of a dream-like state.

The day after our engagement as Hunter and I drove to Louisville for a conference, we talked about the feelings of anticipation. Conveniently enough, we had just listened to a sermon on Christmas. It mentioned the feelings of hopeful anticipation for the day itself. The ABC 25 Days of Christmas Countdown begins, the turkey is eaten and Christmas music can finally be shamelessly played, and the decorations are in full force. But it’s not just Christmas day that we are preparing for. We are preparing for the birth of a Savior.

The danger in just preparing for the day itself is the sense of emptiness that will follow when that day is over. If our hope is just in the event, we will feel a deep disappointment following the conclusion of it. I hope this doesn’t sound too bleak, but it really is a serious matter to miss the point of the celebration. The good news in all of this is that after the day is over, we get Jesus. He isn’t born on Christmas and then vanishes 24 hours later when the day is over. He remains.

Yes, this is July. And yes, I have just compared our wedding day to Christmas, but soak up the incredible parallel that it provides.

Our marriage is not a wedding.      

And it’s not just a wedding day we are preparing for; it’s a till-death-do-we-part covenant.

The wedding ceremony begins our marriage but we do not cease to be married after the day has ended. When we wake up the next morning, July 23^rd, and it is no longer our wedding day, we are still indeed very wedded. The covenant doesn’t end when the wedding ends.

The tragedy of putting our hope in the wedding day is not only the disappointment that will follow, but also a serious lack of preparation. –It’s no different in preparing for Christmas day by hanging lights and garland, but forgetting to prepare your heart for the Christ Himself.

As we move forward to this incredibly joyous celebration, we remind ourselves that our end is not the celebration itself. It is in the covenant that we make to sanctify and selflessly serve each other until we are brought home to Christ, who is our ultimate end. Our lives begin with Christ, the Savior born on Christmas day, and our lives end with Christ.  

Lord, please keep our minds on the covenant we are making before each other and before you. Protect us from getting caught up in the excitement of the celebration and missing the point of what we are celebrating. Use the next 11 days, not merely as a waiting period, but to continue to prepare us and teach us about the gravity of the commitment we are making. And as we process the gravity of it, keep us from despair and remind us that it’s not ourselves that will make this marriage work, but it is Christ who holds all things together.

Walk by the Spirit

These thoughts were incited by a John Piper sermon called “The War Within: Flesh Versus Spirit”

As we continue moving towards marriage (12 days now), we are realizing how present that desires of the flesh are. 

We’ve heard lots of marriage advice, but the general consensus seems to be that marriage is a huge means of sanctification. This means that a LOT of dying to self and your own preferences happens. As Hunter and I spend more time together, we’ve been realizing just how selfish we really are. Anyone who knows us would probably stop me there and say, “Oh, don’t be so hard on yourselves! You’re doing alright.” But the truth is, the subtle sin that has been covered becomes quickly exposed. Marriage, and even engagement for that matter, is a catalyst for uncovering sin.

The selfishness that I’m referring to isn’t overt. It starts to manifest itself in inconspicuous ways… through gentle nudges to get our way, making sure our own needs are met first, hinting at what we want the other person to do for us, even “innocently” justifying our own preferences.

In order to identify the solution, the first step is identifying the problem. What is it that makes me unable to love the man I love most the way I want to love him? Well, we know the problem. We are both sinners. As much as we want to do what we know is right, we just can’t.

I think Paul explains it best in Romans 7: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that it, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do –this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body, that is subject to death? Thanks be to God who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Paul helps us clearly identify the problem, that is, we are still fighting a war against our flesh. Yes, we are regenerated (regeneration) and no longer slaves to sin because of the cross of Christ! We are made alive! But we are still being sanctified (Sanctification) and made new, which means we are still living in bodies that desire the flesh. And until we get to glory (glorification), that battle will be very present.

I know the outlook of this war between spirit and flesh isn’t looking good, but there’s more. Chapter 8 of Romans goes on to identify the solution, that is, the life believers have through the Spirit.

So where does that John Piper sermon that I mentioned way back in the beginning come into all of this? To be completely honest, I only listened to about the first 5 minutes of it. BUT those few minutes were rich, particularly the part about being “walking with” or in other words “led by” the spirit. Piper compares it to being led by a locomotive. If you think about it, all of the train cars behind really don’t have any power without the locomotive. Heck, they don’t even have engines! They’re really just wheels and axels. They’re good at following and that’s what they were intended to do. 

Could you imagine how ridiculous it would be for one of those train cars to try to deliver their cargo without being attached to the locomotive? SPOILER ALERT: Nothing would happen. The engine-less car has no power or momentum on its own. I know it’s more plain to see the futility of relying on our own efforts through the analogy of these train cars, but really let it sink in. No locomotive; No power. No Spirit; No power.

If we are not drawing from the power of the Holy Spirit to complete even the most simple of tasks, we are making a futile and power-less effort. It is so very essential for the Christian to be “attached” to the spirit if we are ever to begin to do the work of the Lord. Hear this and tell it to your soul: It is impossible to live the Christian life on our own. It is impossible. There is no back door to living the life God calls us to without God.

But hear this very very good news. God gives us Himself. God gave us Himself in Jesus, God incarnate, to reconcile His people to Himself through Himself. And God is presently giving us Himself in the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is God. He is God -- with all the attributes of deity. He is the third person of the Trinity -- co-equal with God the Father and God the Son.

Thanks be to God who delivers us through Christ Jesus our Lord!

Lord, help us to be more bendable to your leading. Just as a rigid train car will have a difficult time following, our rigid hearts will make it difficult for us to be led by you. Keep us humble and teachable, forsaking our own wills to pick up yours instead. Help us delight in following you and give us hearts that desire to attach onto you.

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

This morning I was talking with my soon to be husband about our church’s Meditation for Preparation to get ready for the gathering. It’s a short reading and some questions that our pastor sends to all of the members of our church to help us get our minds right.

Scriptures for this Sunday:
Read Psalm 11. Where does David say the Lord is in the midst of your troubles? Does the Lord see or care for your concerns? Does your life reflect that truth?

As I thought through these questions, I couldn’t say that I always run to God in the midst of my troubles, even when being reassured by His word that “The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord is on his heavenly throne. He observes everyone on earth; his eyes examine them.” (Psalm 11: 4)

We discussed that it’s so difficult to be consistent with the way we trust God. Personally, I find myself doing either of two things: 1.) running towards God or 2.) away from him and turning to myself for help. The pattern for my own life seems to be that I turn to God with life’s “bigger” things, but tend to want to trust myself for smaller things. I think my reasoning is that the big things feel more out of control and daunting –I believe that I can control what I eat for lunch but I am more aware that I can’t find a job or sustain a marriage on my own. The truth is, though, that I can no more control the small seemingly insignificant life events any more than I can control whether or not it rains or whether or not I get into a car accident driving on I-275.  All of it is controlled by a very sovereign and all-powerful God.

Reflecting on these questions did something really important for my forgetful mind this morning. It reminded me of a simple yet day-changing and life-changing truth. “The Lord is on his heavenly throne.” This ought to change the way I approach things.

We’re either fixing our eyes on the transient things around us or on a never-changing God. Our eyes are fixed on something. But think about it, it is much more difficult to fix your eyes on a moving target than on something secure. It’s exhausting really. When I try to keep my eyes on the temporary things around me, it mostly just results in confusion and a lot of unrest. My mind is constantly swimming and trying to keep up with where my eyes should be. But when my gaze is steady on God, I can just keep my eyes on one place. I know that no matter what, I can keep my eyes anchored to the one who is on His throne and never leaves his throne. There’s no guessing or trying to find where he is. He tells us exactly where He is and where He will remain.

Patience With Joy

Waiting is hard. Especially when it comes to engagement. Last month, the Hughes family took a vacation to the beach. Forrest and Kristen Hughes (Hunter’s brother and sister-in-law) had just gotten back from a trip to South America. They brought some fun things back –weird fruit snacks, farmer’s tans, cortisona cream –but there was one in particular that made the crowd go wild… CHOCOLATE! 

We all gathered around the coffee table as 3 exotic chocolate bars emerged from Forrest’s bag. He explained the flavor of each and where they came from –Peru, Colombia, hint of espresso, milk, dark…

As the whole family looked on the chocolate bars with eager anticipation (I could see Bill Hughes wiping away traces of drool), Forrest added an important twist. “We learned the right way to eat chocolate.” Kristen and Forrest had been properly educated on a new approach to chocolate eating. He explained that you first break off a piece and listen for the “Snnaaap” as it breaks. The more crisp the sound, the better. Now, contrary to the American way, South Americans just place the chocolate on their tongue and patiently wait for it to dissolve. No biting. No chewing. Just enjoying the fullness of the experience.

That sounds lame.

But we all obliged and entertained this new chocolate eating procedure. I picked up the milk chocolate bar. “Snnaaap.” My fingers tingled as the tension build and finally released, a treasure waiting for me between both thumbs and forefingers.

As the morsel sat on my tongue, I tasted more flavors than ever before…. A chocolate eating experience different from any I had previously experienced.

It was smooth. The small piece literally melted in my mouth and the creamy goodness spread across my tongue. As the flavor dispersed, I tasted new hints of chocolate that were so foreign to my “stuff my face with Dove chocolates and eat them in seconds” approach.

Tonight as Hunter and I talked about engagement and our excitement, this previous experience came back to mind.

Let’s not rush through the sweetness of engagement just to get to the “good part”. I want to savor this time, knowing that God is intricately involved in the process. I was to embrace the tension of wanting so badly to be married, but also waiting patiently and rejoicing in the waiting. I want to acknowledge that this method of tasting chocolates is very new and foreign to me, but that it might… just might… be better than the way I’ve been doing it. Yes, the desire to just want engagement to be over and rush through to the marriage is there. But God is suggesting I try a new approach. A more savoring approach.

It’s difficult. A lot of days I lack this new perspective. But God is reminding me to slow down, sit quietly, and savor. And through this process, not only do I experience chocolate in a whole new way, I get to experience God in a whole new way.

Joy of the Redeemed

My loving fiancé reminded me of this truth this morning found in Isaiah 35.

“The desert and the parched land will be glad;

the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

…

They will see the glory of the Lord,

the splendor of our God.

Strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way.

…

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,

and the ears of the deaf unstopped;

Then shall the lame man leap like a deer,

and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.

For waters break forth in the wilderness,

and streams in the desert;

And a highway shall be there,

And it shall be called the Way of Holiness;

the unclean shall not pass over it.

It shall belong to those who walk on the way;

…

But the redeemed shall walk there.

And the ransomed of the Lord shall return

and come to Zion with singing;

everlasting joy shall be upon their hands;

they shall obtain gladness and joy,

and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.”

It speaks of the redemption God brings to his creation. “The blind will see… there will be streams in the desert.” And He makes a highway back to Zion, our home, that is called the Way of Holiness.

This promise blows me away. It is overflowing with hope and only possible because of my redeemer who shed his blood for me. I get to be a partaker of these things, not through any effort of my own, but by the covering Christ has made for me to be seen as the holy and blameless, pure, undefiled, bride of Christ!

Hunter told me of how it makes him think of the aisle I’ll get to walk on July 22. The death and impurity of this world and of ourselves in wiped away and we are called Holy, set apart by God FOR God. We walk towards Him, towards home, on that day and all the days after. 

Thoughts on Forgiveness

You know how sometimes everything you’re learning in your life starts to overlap and it couldn’t be clearer that God is trying to get a message across?

Well you guessed it, it’s happening to me. And the topic is forgiveness.

I’m a piece of work when it comes to this topic, but God is really good at working with difficult and messy pottery. He’s like one of those tattoo artists whose job it is to cover up a really regrettable tattoo decision. (Don't act like you've never impulsively gotten a butt tatt with your friends..)  I’ve seen some pretty crazy transformations happen on the show… a woman with a sleeve of junk food and donuts that they were able to turn into a veggie tattoo sleeve. That’s pretty impressive! −to take two completely opposite things and be able to creatively see how it can be changed into something better. While the comparison is very loose, hopefully you can make some sort of connection with it ;)

Anyways, I digress.

About 2 weeks ago Hunter and I had a conflict arise. At the root of it were a lot of miscommunicated thoughts, misinterpreted thoughts, and shame. I won’t speak for Hunter, but I will speak for myself. I was extremely frustrated and bitter. Not only did I emotionally feel angry, but physically my body felt tense. The best way I can describe it was feeling like I had clenched fists. I admitted to him that I was reacting this way and that I knew it was not of the spirit but of the flesh. I felt helpless to react differently. Eventually, I cried out to God and asked for him to help. And he did. It felt as though God had applied a healing balm… my muscles relaxed and I fell into his arms.

The next day at our Easter service, the sermon was on Colossians 3:12-14

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

In summary, this passage commands people to put on these 5 things:

1.) Compassion

2.) Kindness

3.) Humility

4.) Gentleness (Meekness)

5.) Patience

Putting on these things lead to these 2 actions:

1.) Forgiving one another –surrendering your right to hurt someone who has hurt you

2.) Bearing with one another – an ongoing action

·         I can forgive Hunter because God has forgiven me much.

·         Forgiveness is only possible with your eyes fixed on the cross. If my eyes are any place else, my self-righteousness makes forgiveness feel nearly impossible.

(Parable of the two debtors)  : Who am I to withhold grace when my own debt far exceeds theirs…

In the case of my conflict with Hunter, I was a sinner being offended by another sinner.

This pales in comparison to my sin against a holy & perfect God.

This Good Friday was a timely reminder of that.

There’s no doubt that forgiveness will continue to be a challenge in my life. My first reaction to being hurt is usually to withdraw in order to protect myself from further damage. Then bitterness sets in along with defensiveness –if I don’t stand up for me, who will? But, through God’s word and the counsel of others, I am aware that these reactions only create a further distance and separation. By saying “Yes” to forgiveness, we are able to see how God takes broken relationships and redeems them. I can honestly say that God has brought Hunter and I’s relationship even greater sweetness and closeness following the difficult conversations. That’s what God does, He redeems!

As we walk forward, we know this is just the start of a long road of “I’m sorrys” and difficult “I forgive yous.” But, by God’s grace, we can walk forward assured that God will not abandon his children. We can confidently own our shame and come out of hiding knowing that we are first and foremost forgiven by God through Christ, and that changes everything. 

Lusting in the Workplace

I'm curious what this title brought to mind for you...

Hopefully this will be different than what you had originally thought but refreshing and a new perspective.

This evening I read in Numbers about the Israelites complaining to Moses for better food. The Lord had promised to give them enough manna every day, but after a short time wandering in the wilderness, they got sick of eating the same old thing. "Give us meat to eat!"

So the story continues...
Moses brought their complaints before the Lord. The Lord gave the Israelites what they wanted.... quail for days! Seriously, the Lord said to Moses, "I will give them meat for a whole month."

It's not because the Lord is incapable. He made that clear to Moses when he told him the plans. “Tell the people: ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’

And listen to Moses' response: “Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, ‘I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!’ Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?” Moses doubts that the Lord can do what he has said. I don't think Moses' response is that crazy if any old person had said that. I agree, Moses, that's a lot of quail. But Moses forgot who he was talking to. This wasn't a limited man. This is the Divine and Almighty God. Considering that truth, God's reply to Moses gets me excited. God doesn't have to explain himself, but here He is reminding Moses that he is infinitely capable and that his supply is endless.

The Lord answered Moses, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”

So what's my obsession with this Old Testament quail story. I'd love to tell you the strange connection between Moses, an elderly man from the tribe of Levi, and Christina, a 23 year old from the town of Davie, FL.

I feel like the Israelites. Lately, work has been difficult and it's so so frustrating. I often feel as though I deserve a more rewarding job instead of an exhausting one that often seems thankless. My requests for quail come through complaints for feeling successful, impactful, and craving the approval of my students.

These aren't bad things, but they are so harmful when I make them an inappropriate desire. The Israelites desire for quail wasn't wrong, they were craving good food, but a good desire turned sinful when they felt it was their right to have it and they could think of nothing else. I could relate so much to this. My desires aren't inherently "bad", but they have oh so subtly moved from harmless thoughts to sinful lust in my heart. Lately, I can think of nothing else. The story of the Israelites lusting after better food has showed me that when you become preoccupied with something to the point where it affects your perspective on everything else, you have moved from desire to lust.