I Count it All as Loss

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.”

Philippians 3:8

 

Lately God has been showing me what following him costs. You hear over and over again that “In this world you will have trouble” and that this Christian life isn’t easy; that it requires sacrifice. But what does that even mean? When I first heard that I though okay sure, things could get a little tough but God will help me so it’s no big deal. But today especially, God has just shown me that following Him costs EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. That means your pride, your plans, in some cases a relationship, and even our friends.

            Tonight there was a roller skating event and if you know anything about me, you know that I would’ve been there in a heartbeat. Except I had to work and I was not too thrilled about that. But get this, tonight as I sat at the desk, God showed up in one of the coolest ways. When I got there, one of my co-workers was just hanging around so we sat and talked for a while. Looking back I’m thankful for our conversation but at the time I was so frustrated. I just needed to get some homework done. What the heck? First my roller skating plans are ruined and now I can’t even do my homework? Can I do anything that I want? But as we talked and talked, my focused shifted from myself and ‘what do I need to do’ to how can I love her as Christ would? You see, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in that schedule game. It’s so easy to put our lives into constrictions and planners that when something doesn’t go “according to plan”, we just freak out. (as shown above) But what if our schedules didn’t matter? What if every day instead of opening up our planners and rushing to make that appointment at 9:15, we were open to God changing our plans?

            So as the night went on, our conversation grew. It was not only me and my co-worker anymore, but an international student from London came up and talked to us for close to 2 hours. She and my co-worker instantly connected because they’re both of Persian descent, so they spoke of their traditions and customs and I learned a ton! But then out of nowhere, she began to talk about her religious views. She described herself as Muslim but says that it’s more of a cultural label and that here in America she calls herself agnostic. She talked about how she gets weird looks when she tells that to people here in America and my co-worker chimed in and said that she gets weird looks all the time since she’s atheist. Those words pierced my heart but gave me a much needed wake up call. There are so many things and emotions that come to mind but all I can think about is how desperate that made me to share with her how much God loves her. When she said those words, everything just made sense. That’s why life is so difficult. That’s why you can’t seem to find satisfaction or answers. I have an answer!

            As I sat there listening to them talk, I just kept thinking “God, this is crazy.” I always talk about how I want to do missions but I’m not able to and here God was bringing a missions trip to me, right there at work! He placed someone from London right there in front of me. Sitting there in the midst of this incredible opportunity made me realize that while I would love to be overseas, I have to finish the work in front of me first. I have to be willing to give up my plans so that God’s plans can prevail. Because when we give up our plans, we might become an RA when we didn’t “plan” on it. And we might be working at the desk instead of roller blading with our friends like we “planned.” But we might be sharing something far more important with ears and hearts like God has planned.

Lord, I Need You

      Do you ever just worry about everything you can possibly imagine? Of course you do, who doesn’t? Well I was having one of those weird days today. One of those days where instead of looking at what’s right in front of me, I was trying to look so far into the future that it absolutely terrified me. I found myself just in this “funk.” What will happen to me when I’m older? With the way politics are going and policies are changing, how will I even survive in this world? How can I do all of the things that God calls me to do in a world in which God doesn’t even seem to matter? All of these questions just entered my head and once they were there, they sunk in and wouldn’t leave.

I think uncertainty, fear, and worry all hit us hardest when we are furthest from the truth.

The truth says:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

     When I look at what the creator of every single thing, every being and principality, every atom and molecule, has to say about my future, everything else grows strangely dim. But in order for that to happen I need to turn from the world and the worries it brings, and listen to what God says.

      I don’t have a solution to government policies and healthcare decisions, I don’t know what the retirement plan will look like when I’m 67, but I also don’t even know if I’ll live that long. To be completely honest, when we look at eternity and our own mortality, these “pressing issues” seem to not be so pressing. But when I look at my life right now and what I do know, I know that I am promised that God will fight for me. In this moment, I don’t know anything else except for the fact that I desperately need God to direct my life and remind me of His truth.

      So this is what God is reminding me of, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-20

      These struggles are momentary. Everything that I know will pass away and fade, but God will remain. Today, as I wrestled with the idea of turning my eyes towards heaven, this song kept replaying in my mind over and over. It wasn’t until I stopped long enough to hear God’s voice that I realized what he was trying to tell me.

"Lord, I Need You"

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

 

     The following passage sums up how I felt God communicated this truth to me today. Not by ripping everything out from underneath me and making me learn to trust him the hard way, but by gently whispering his promises.

       The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 1 Kings 19:11-13

He is a friend of mine

        Today at church we listened to a song called “Whom Shall I Fear.”

Here’s part of the song so you know what I’m referring to:

You hear me when I call

You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light

 Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy

Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still

 Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

So what’s the big deal? Why this song? Well today when I was singing it, the line that always struck me was, “The one who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine”…

This idea that I am able to call God, the Almighty One, the Creator of everything that I know, a friend of mine completely blew my mind.  Compared to Him I am nothing, yet I am able to call Him a friend. When I think of a friend I think of a close bond, someone who understands where I’m coming from, a person who you can count on. This image that comes to mind when I think of a friend is someone with a huge smile putting their arm around me. But now to think that God considers me that person to Him is absolutely crazy. But it just makes sense because God is all of those things: reliable, trustworthy, and constant.

But as great as the thought of Him being my friend is, I have to remind myself how and why this is possible. This friendship came at a price, the price of Jesus’ blood. This friendship cost a life and not just any life, but the life of His Son. Why would God do that? Why would he allow His son to die just so He could be friends with me? Because to Him, the idea of not having a relationship wasn’t an option.

After reflecting on the lyrics of that song and everything that it cost, God’s love for us becomes so real. Despite who we are, God wants to be a part of our lives. He doesn’t desire to know us distantly, but personally and completely. Our God who is infinitely greater meets sinners where they’re at so that we can call Him not only our Lord, but our friend.

Fall Semester

Lord, in this moment I have peace that I know could only come from you. This week has been difficult. It was the first week of new classes and I wasn't sure why I was sitting where I was. I was anxious and afraid for the semester. I doubted your faithfulness and refused to believe that you are sovereign.

All week I was wrestling with this idea: "Why this major, Lord?" I couldn't get past how difficult is al seemed, and by doing so, I just made things more stressful. But in your faithfulness you removed my worries and showed me your face.

Why am I in this major Lord?
Why visual disabilities?

Because You have purpose in it.
Because You will use this for Your glory.
Because you are faithful, "And he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Warning: This will disgust you

      It took vomit in a water fountain to make me realize how much Jesus loves me.

     I can’t say I ever thought I’d say that and I certainly didn’t imagine waking up to clean someone’s vomit on a Friday night. For all of you who are grossed out, that’s completely okay. It’s disgusting. But as much as I didn’t imagine doing this on my Friday night, I also didn’t ever picture myself saying a prayer of thanks to God for it.

     At around 3 o’clock I woke up to my phone ringing and a text message from one of my co-workers telling me about the incident. I asked if she needed help but she told me everything was under control. Before I knew it, I was up and out of bed walking to her floor of the building. I’m not sure why I didn’t just take her word for it and fall back asleep. I'm not sure what compelled me to action. But I am sure that I am extremely selfish most of the time, and 3 o'clock in the morning was no exception. Part of me still can’t believe it…  But there I was, running to the bathroom and grabbing handfuls of paper towels.

      Earlier this week, I was extremely discouraged and frustrated with certain things about my new job. I was tired of how rude the students were and how disrespectful they acted towards me. I felt angry because I felt entitled. I felt that I deserved all of their respect and they just weren’t giving me any. The smallest things would make me upset. One of their sly comments to me as they walked by or just being looked at the wrong way completely set me off. I realized how my lack of patience and grace was affecting me and as badly as I wanted to let God help, I just didn’t feel like asking him for any.

      Something about me was strangely peaceful tonight. Just yesterday a simple comment would make me enraged but this mess in the water fountain didn’t upset me at all. As gross as this is, the first thing that came to mind was “Thank God they did it here and not on the floor” instead of “I can’t believe they had the nerve to do this. I’m going to knock on every single door until someone decides to own up to this.”

      There is something surprisingly humbling about cleaning up vomit at 3am. Humbled… this is the word that kept going through my head the entire time. Not enraged, not furious, not disrespectful, just humbled. As I stood there literally cleaning up another humans mess, this crazy thought came to mind. This is what Jesus did for me. When in all of my self-righteousness I made this huge mess of sin and left my mess for someone else to take care of, He took full responsibility. He didn’t once think, “I don’t deserve this”, but instead when I was unable to clean up my own mess, He did it for me.

      My sin is so filthy. When people think of vomit they cringe, and for some it’s one of the filthiest things imaginable, but I was hit with the realization that my sin is still more revolting. My sin is absolutely disgusting but thankfully God doesn’t see it as just that. Because of what Jesus did for me, although I am defiled and unworthy, all God sees is righteousness.

      I still can’t completely wrap my mind around this concept. That God loves me SO much that even on my worst day I am deeply loved by him. I can’t understand how even when I am standing before him completely filthy that all he can see is the good about me. I can’t believe that God still pursues me even when I am unfaithful. But He does.

     The ways God chooses to reveal himself to us are strange. Tonight as I witnessed His grace through a pile of throw up in a water fountain I realized that God never ceases meets me where I’m at. That although I am stubborn, He still pursues me and wants what is best for me. Tonight I witnessed His mercy in a whole new way.  Tonight it took cleaning up vomit to realize how much he loves me and what Jesus paid for me.

 

Psalm 139:5-12

"You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you."

 

So then it depends not on human will, but on God

             Something that’s been on my mind lately is this feeling that Christians are approaching the Gospel “wrong?” The whole premise of the Christian faith is love, but when observing my own actions and the actions of other Christians, love seems to be so absent. Instead, it has been replaced by greed, self-ambition, striving, and force.

Whenever we meet a new person that isn’t a believer, we quickly make it our “mission” to shove as much Christianity in their face as possible. Their salvation somehow becomes our responsibility. I’m not writing this to condemn or as an outsider looking in and nitpicking all of the things that I think Christians are doing wrong, but as a perpetrator myself. I’m writing it as someone who has come to the realization that I do all of these things myself.

Honestly, I don’t even know where to start with this next thought but let me just try to make some sense. I think that sometimes we as Christians get overzealous. We want something so bad, that we end up forcing it too much and it puts un-needed pressure on a situation. Yes, I’m talking about sharing the Gospel. And if this doesn’t sit well with you that’s totally fine, because it’s just a humble opinion of mine.

Let me use a personal example to help you understand what I mean. When I meet a new friend, and they seem like a nice person, I oftentimes just assume they are a Christian. But upon hearing that they aren’t, this switch flips in my mind and I no longer see them as a child of God, but as a prize to be won over. My focus is no longer on the friendship for the sake of the friendship, but my mentality has switched to let me stay in this friendship for the sake of the “Gospel” aka the satisfaction of knowing I shared Jesus with this person that NEVER would’ve know about Him apart from me. (That last sentence was meant to be taken extremely sarcastically and as conceited as it sounds, that’s my mindset at times.) But, as you can probably already tell, there are so many things wrong with the previous example.

1.) God does NOT need me to save that person and I can guarantee you that God could reveal Himself to that person had they been friends with me or not.

             2.) Hearing that they aren’t a Christian shouldn’t be what changes the game. If I need to alter the way I act based on circumstances, then I need Jesus just as much as that person.

We are called to share the Gospel. Not force, push, or distort the beautiful message of the Gospel. When I hear the word share, I think of two kids sharing toys and the innocence that is associated with that. I don’t think of deception and condemnation or scare tactics. When I hear the word share, I think of a simple presentation done in love, and not a forced decision. Because when it comes down to it, we don’t decide or change anything. God, the author and finisher of our faith, is the one who changes hearts and lives. We are simply called to share His message in obedience and I think that’s the part we fail to remember.

The question that comes to mind after all of this is how can an imperfect person present the Gospel? Well, the Gospel is the greatest love story ever written so what better way to show it to others then with love.

 

¹⁴ What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! ¹⁵ For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” ¹⁶ So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. ¹⁷ For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

Romans 9:14-17

Peace Among the Chaos

*Before I start, just a warning, I'm feeling a lil bit cheesy right now. So if you choose to read this post, you have been warned.

     Now that I got the disclaimer out of the way... Let's see, where do I even begin. Well I guess I'll start by addressing the purpose writing this post in the first place. These past two days I have felt completely overwhelmed. When I say that I don't mean that I am doubting God, but rather that I am having to completely and totally rely on Him because my own strength just won't do it these days (which isn't a bad thing). But it's exhausting. When circumstances bring you to your knees and you find yourself in the midst of total surrender, it's never an easy thing. Its a constant minute-by-minute second-by-second decision to give these things up to God instead of trying to control them myself. But don't get me wrong, I never regret that decision to place my problems in the hands of my Almighty and totally capable God. In life there's a Plan A and Plan B, but the beauty of surrender is that it takes the Plan B out of the equation.

    Although being in a state of surrender is something that I know is absolutely essential for the Lord to work, it's difficult. Surrender is a battle term which has to do when an opposing army lays down their arms and gives up all rights to the conqueror, allowing them to take control from then on. Surrendering to God works the same way. In order to experience the fullness of the plans He has for our lives, we must surrender to Him by setting aside our own plans. Just like no army wants to be "conquered", nobody wants to lay down their defenses. It's in our nature to want to look out for ourselves and to do our own protecting. We live in a world that sends this message to "trust no one",  so to lay our arms at the feet of God sounds absolutely ludicrous. How can we be safe if we have nothing to protect ourselves with? The Bible tells us that "God is a refuge, a stronghold, a very present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1) "In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me." (Psalm 120:1.)

    The past few days of "laying down my arms" have been some of the most difficult. I feel extremely vulnerable. But at this very moment, the verse that keeps coming to mind is Philippians 4:7. It says "And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." In the beginning of this post, I described how I was feeling overwhelming by my circumstances... now let me tell you how I am overwhelmed by Christ's peace.

    Lately I've been into painting so let me describe to you this cool image that I guess you could say in my mind goes with this verse. Here's an image that unfortunately many of us with be familiar with. Imagine the destruction in Oklahoma from the tornados of the past week. There's flattened houses, splintered wood, and shards of glass from chinaware... Now imagine a pre-K classroom with about 15 children. Some are crying, while others are running about, while still others are banging toys against tables. Now I want you to imagine any restaurant of your choice (preferably a very popular one.) Its loud inside. About 10 different conversations are taking place in your vicinity and on top of all that, the waiter just dropped a tray of plates, which causes the patrons to collectively yell, "Opa!" All of these images together create a symphony of chaos (it stresses me out just thinking of it.) But amid this collage of chaos is a person simply standing. Just standing. And here's where the verse comes in. All of these events are taking place around them, natural disasters, yelling, screaming, but in the midst of all of that, there is this unexplainable peace. This peace that, given the situations, shouldn't be there and makes absolutely no sense, but it's there and it's real. I wish I could do a better job of explaining it but that's just what it is. A peace that is so unexplainable that it could only be from God.

    So I could ramble on for a few more paragraphs, or I could just leave off with this. This peace is real and God offers it to you. It doesn't matter how far you've run or how damaged you think you might be. This might be the truest thing I've ever heard in my life: "God accepts you the way you are, but refuses to leave you that way." So don't just take my word for it, go see for yourself. Take it all to the feet of Jesus and exchange your efforts for His peace.