The past couple of days have been a sweet glimpse into how glorious it will be on that day when I’m finally free.

I feel like the veil has been lifted… a veil I’ve looked through for so long that I learned to accept it. It’s amazing what sin and darkness can do and it’s amazing how sneaky and believable lies are.

For several years, I have believed the lies that:

• I am unworthy of anything different
• I am alone
• I need to change
• I am unable to change
• This is my fault
• I just don’t have enough faith
• I am unlovable
• I don’t have purpose
• I need to fix myself
• That my righteousness depends on my performance

Today with a clear mind and spirit, I can so clearly recognize these lies. What has become my identity for so long is slowly being peeled back and I’m able to see how deeply rooted and damaging these lies really are.

When I look at these lies with a renewed mind, I can see them being shattered by this incredible truth:

“But God  shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

I am chosen. I am loved. I am a sinner, but Jesus is enough.

I am thankful that suffering means more of God. While I cannot even begin to comprehend the depth of God’s infinite wisdom, suffering has shown me the depths of his mercy. During this time, the Psalms have been a book where I have found much comfort. As David cries out to the lord, God assures him that his cries are heard. I am able to collapse at his feet in dependence, knowing that he is all sufficient and will hear my cries for mercy.

“Hear my prayer, Lord;
    let my cry for help come to you.
 Do not hide your face from me
    when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
    when I call, answer me quickly.”

Psalm 102

“Lord, hear my prayer,
    listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
    come to my relief.”

Psalm 143:1

“You have kept count of my tossings;
    put my tears in your bottle.
    Are they not in your book?”

Psalm 56:8

What a comfort it is knowing that my cries for mercy are nothing new to God and that he is familiar with comforting the suffering.  What a relief knowing that God not only hears these cries, but that these cries also came from the mouth of his own son, Jesus, as he suffered on our behalf. What a greater relief knowing that those cries led to hope and freedom.

I write this with tears in my eyes as I say I have seen God’s grace in my pain. It is extremely heavy and seems impossible on most days, but because of the cross I can truly rejoice in suffering. Rejoicing in suffering is not easy nor does it come naturally or even make sense. Suffering hurts and isn’t something I would choose for myself. But because God has measured my trials and sifted them through his holy hands, I know that while it hurts it is also good.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Romans 5:3-5

^“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

1 Peter 5:10

“And the Lord will guide you continually
    and satisfy your desire in scorched places
    and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
    like a spring of water,
    whose waters do not fail.”

Isaiah 58:11

Lord, I thank you for lifting the veil and reminding me to take heart. Thanks for being near and for times of restoration and refreshing. I pray that as I continue, I would remember that you are an ever-present help in trouble. Thank you for lifting my eyes long enough to be reminded of the joy set before me. Help me to stay grounded when the feelings fade and remind me where my help comes from. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.