Lusting in the Workplace

I'm curious what this title brought to mind for you...

Hopefully this will be different than what you had originally thought but refreshing and a new perspective.

This evening I read in Numbers about the Israelites complaining to Moses for better food. The Lord had promised to give them enough manna every day, but after a short time wandering in the wilderness, they got sick of eating the same old thing. "Give us meat to eat!"

So the story continues...
Moses brought their complaints before the Lord. The Lord gave the Israelites what they wanted.... quail for days! Seriously, the Lord said to Moses, "I will give them meat for a whole month."

It's not because the Lord is incapable. He made that clear to Moses when he told him the plans. “Tell the people: ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’

And listen to Moses' response: “Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, ‘I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!’ Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?” Moses doubts that the Lord can do what he has said. I don't think Moses' response is that crazy if any old person had said that. I agree, Moses, that's a lot of quail. But Moses forgot who he was talking to. This wasn't a limited man. This is the Divine and Almighty God. Considering that truth, God's reply to Moses gets me excited. God doesn't have to explain himself, but here He is reminding Moses that he is infinitely capable and that his supply is endless.

The Lord answered Moses, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”

So what's my obsession with this Old Testament quail story. I'd love to tell you the strange connection between Moses, an elderly man from the tribe of Levi, and Christina, a 23 year old from the town of Davie, FL.

I feel like the Israelites. Lately, work has been difficult and it's so so frustrating. I often feel as though I deserve a more rewarding job instead of an exhausting one that often seems thankless. My requests for quail come through complaints for feeling successful, impactful, and craving the approval of my students.

These aren't bad things, but they are so harmful when I make them an inappropriate desire. The Israelites desire for quail wasn't wrong, they were craving good food, but a good desire turned sinful when they felt it was their right to have it and they could think of nothing else. I could relate so much to this. My desires aren't inherently "bad", but they have oh so subtly moved from harmless thoughts to sinful lust in my heart. Lately, I can think of nothing else. The story of the Israelites lusting after better food has showed me that when you become preoccupied with something to the point where it affects your perspective on everything else, you have moved from desire to lust.

God is Rich in Mercy

Yesterday I drove to a community group potluck at around 5. I noticed myself on edge and frustrated by a prior bean purchasing incident at Walmart. I just wanted to run in and out but, of course, found myself stuck in a check-out line for 15 minutes behind a woman who took her coupons very seriously.

As I made my way over to Hope’s house, God helped me snap out of my ungrateful attitude.

Christina, remember just a few months ago when you drove this same route to your very first community group? … Having no idea what to expect but praying and trusting that I would provide community. Well I did! And now you’re driving to share a meal with these people who have been such a blessing for the short time you have known them.  

My clenched fists opened and praised the Lord for his faithfulness. After some really refreshing time eating and playing games, I headed out to go to my friend Liz’s house. I pulled up and joined Liz, Jenn, and Savannah on her porch for some tea and chilly fellowship. It was so sweet to my soul to be able to sit and share life and have conversation about what God has been doing with these new sisters in Christ in Tampa.

At around 11:00 pm Jenn and I headed out, deeply satisfied from the fellowship that had God’s goodness written all over it. Jenn had reached out to me earlier in the day and asked if she could stay the night at my place. I asked if she wanted to follow me to my apartment but she said she had the directions and would meet me there.

15 minutes or so later, as I turned onto Brandon Causeway I answered a phone call from Jenn. When I saw she was calling, I figured she probably needed directions or help with the gate.

Jenn calmly started speaking: “Christina, I just got T-boned. I was just following the directions… I can’t move. I’m fine… They’re taking me to the hospital…”

 …”Hi Christina, I’m one of the paramedics. Your friend is fine but we need to take her to the hospital because of the severity of the impact.”

“Okay. Wait, where are you going? Can I meet you there? ” Click.

A million different thoughts and scenarios rushed through my mind. Pray. I need to pray. I called Liz and told her the situation as calmly as I could. Pray with me.

I asked God for these things:

Please give Jenn calmness and peace that only comes from you.

I pray for the doctors who treat her. Give them wisdom and help them care for her.

I pray that she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with the logistics and details with the car and insurance.

I showed up a little while later at Tampa General. I felt more calm after praying and worshipping as I drove there. I walked into room 4 of the ER to see both of my friends. Jenn looked at me and her eyes immediately filled with tears. I held her hands and just stared at my friend, thanking God that she was in front of me and safe.

Jenn shared that she felt strangely calm when she got there… “Idk if it was from shock or what.” And everyone here that’s taken care of me has been so nice. My car is totaled but it’s okay. Those were the exact three things I had prayed for her. Yes, God hears our prayers.

The next few hours were filled with worship. I shared with Jenn something that I had been learning recently. God’s love doesn’t always look the way we want it to… it’s not always the warm and fuzzy kind of love. Sometimes it hurts or feels more like discipline than love. But it is so obvious that God loves and cares for you, even through this.

As Jenn processed through more of the shock, I sat there so encouraged by her worshipful heart. Jenn felt weak, rightfully so, but there’s something about being rocked by the transience of life that made even the two women sitting by her bedside equally as weak.

As I listened to Jenn quietly and with heavenly calmness say, “We just never know when our last moment will be” I was caught by the weighty-ness.

Weighty-ness:

 Can you imagine how people who don’t know the Lord respond to situations like this? Yes, with a weighty-ness but one born out of fear. A realization of their impermanence that causes them to panic and consider what their purpose is and why they’re here.

But can you imagine how a person who knows that God is with them responds? With a confidence knowing that this momentary suffering is God-ordained and is indeed just that, momentary. They know that their life is temporary but they do not fear death because they know their life is secure with Christ. It’s a different kind of weighty-ness… one that acknowledges the sovereignty of God and his mercy towards the lowly.

The past 24 hours have been a lot to process.  

But I am confident of this:

God loves me. And gave himself for me. And I get to know him and enjoy him forever… even after I take my last breath in this temporary body. Life is a gift and God is such a gracious gift-giver.

Lord, I thank you that we can know you. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to live life apart from you but that I get you. I get to worship you through the hard stuff and know that there is divine purpose weaved into everything I experience. I am reminded that my salvation is a gift. I can take no credit for knowing you… “And if you had not loved me first, I would refuse you still.” I could do nothing to work my way to you, but in your great mercy you gave me yourself. Thank you for the body of Christ and that even though Jenn’s family is in Georgia, that Liz and I could love her by your strength. Thank you for the opportunity to love and serve Jenn last night. It is so obvious that you care about Jenn so much. Keep my eyes heavenward. Thank you for making even the most unideal circumstances an opportunity to worship you and behold your glory. Amen.

Dear American,

I’m not one to talk about politics, but with all of the women’s marches and protests the last two days, my mind needs to process.

I am perplexed. People are losing their minds. There are riots and marches and protests all standing up for "morality" while in doing so, people seem to have thrown aside all morals. This isn't everyone, but some are even lighting fires, breaking windows, defacing vehicles, and yelling obscenities on TV.

The events I have been witnessing hurt my soul. We are acting recklessly, abandoning sound judgement, and creating our own standards of what is morally acceptable behavior.

We are holding Trump to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. We have been quick to point a finger and verbally assault him with talk of how he is not behaving according to “our moral standards.” And I agree, he is wrong in the way he speaks and acts. But so are you and I. It is okay for us to lie, cheat, and swear, but not him. But wait, isn’t he a sinner just like us? Yes, the leader of our country should be held to high standards, but so should we.

Think of the music on the radio that the majority of Americans listen to. Lyrics that demean and degrade women. Songs praising a warped view on sex and intimacy. But he is worse than us? American, you are angry but you are no different. Why is it okay to watch pornography from the comfort of your own bedroom but when Trump publicly talks about the way he has violated a woman that is far worse? Why is it okay to buy into America’s cheap culture of viewing women as objects for your pleasure but when you hear “locker room talk” you cringe.

Examine yourselves. Are you better than this man? Or are you quick to point a finger, blind to your own hypocrisy? In the midst of all this “not my president” talk, honestly evaluate yourself… Does this president represent you? Yes. He does. He represents hopelessly rebellious, sinful, hell-bound people.

But God.

There is hope. Let this leader point you higher. Let this man, whom you despise and who might, just might, make you despise your own blood-stained hands, direct your eyes to another leader. A heavenly king. King Jesus. 

Pre-Sunrise Thoughts

I woke up this morning feeling jittery and unable to sleep. Perhaps it’s from all of the excitement of looking at wedding venues yesterday. Whatever the reason, here I am, awake at 5:30 on a Sunday morning. I kept trying to go back to sleep, but thoughts of wedding details and future hopes kept coming to mind. While it’s not an entirely bad thing, I didn’t like it. I wanted my thoughts to be anchored on something more certain. Not just hopes or dreams. I decided to listen to a sermon on Job, a book of the Bible that I’m reading through. It’s not that I don’t understand the basic theme of Job –I know it’s about suffering. But I wanted a greater understanding of this divinely inspired, 42 chapter book, that God has given us.

“In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he

feared God and shunned evil. 2 He had seven sons and three daughters, 3 and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.”

This seemingly “fairy tale” introduction is a stark contrast with what happens in just a few chapters.

“So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head. 8 Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.9 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”

The question “why” rings through the minds of most people who read these chapters.

            Why would God allow this?

            Why curse an upright man?

            Why give Satan the go-ahead to afflict him?

            Why take everything he has?

            Why kill his entire family?     

            Why, if God is good, does he allow suffering?

I think these are normal inquiries from people who just don’t see the whole picture. Our minds can’t comprehend the purposes of God, we are well aware of this. While the reading of the 42 chapters of Job won’t satisfy our “whys”, it will do something even greater –give us a deeper faith to accept the unanswered whys and trust that the answer God has, though unspoken, is sufficient. 

The other evening, Hunter and I were talking about the job situation. I had called Indiana School for the Blind on Monday but there weren’t any open positions. The woman I spoke with was nice, but the only advice she could give was to keep checking their job posting website and maybe something would open this Spring.

Spring. That feels way too unpredictable. If I really am moving to Indiana in the Summer, the idea of hoping for a job to open up just a few months before I move makes me uneasy. I want security. I want a guarantee. I want everything sorted out well in advance.

As I talked to Hunter, his comments were hopeful and filled with faith. He didn’t seem as worried as I did. Am I not trusting God enough with this? Should I be as peaceful as he is? Am I foolish for being afraid or is he foolish for being too confident?

The job situation has definitely been on my mind… not consistently but enough to keep me uncertain about the future. This morning I had some honest time with God. 

Lord, I’m more fearful about this job search than I thought I would be. Is it right to want to be prepared before we move?  Or is that just me trying to justify my lack of faith… I don’t think I trust you.

This afternoon, just before three o’clock, I got a phone call from Indiana.

“Hi, this is Christina.”

“Hello Christina, this is Toni (couldn’t quite hear the last name) from Indiana School for the Blind. I’m just returning your call, is now a good time?”

Now, before you start jumping up and down, I didn’t get offered a job just like that. But please, keep reading. It’s a cool story.

Toni and I talked for about 10 minutes. Her voice was kind and she seemed genuinely interested in my situation.

“So why the heck would you want to move from Florida to Indiana?!”

I explained, “My fiancé lives in Indianapolis. We were really considering either place, but it seems like he has some pretty cool opportunities in Indiana. So I’m thinking I’ll probably move there in July.”

Although there weren’t any current job openings, Toni invited me to send my resume so they would have it on file should something open up.  She also mentioned that a lot of the staff start out in part time positons and then apply for other jobs as they open up. Definitely sounded like some feasible options. Instead of a no, it sounded more like a not yet.

As we wrapped up our conversation, Toni told me that I could send her an email if I ever wanted to tour the school when I was in the area.

“My name is Toni Hughes.”

“Did you say your last name is Hughes.”

“Yes, H-U-G-H-E-S.”

“ No way, that’s soon to be my last name too!”

God is writing our story. Sometimes sentences at a time, other times paragraphs, and still other times only letter by letter. But his timing and his thoughtful detail always out-do my own vain attempts. Praise God that he is the author and finisher.

Naked I came and naked I will return.

Naked I came and naked I will return.

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21

I don't have a single item to my name.
I know what you're thinking... yea right, girl. You have plenty of stuff. I do. I have a lot of things on loan, but truly, I don't own any of it.

We're born... Butt Naked. We don't even own clothes. It's just us and maybe some hair on our heads. And by God's grace, we're born into families that can feed, clothe, and provide for us. Then, these families send us to school and help us learn to read, write, add, and subtract. (Not even our intelligence is our own doing.) We get through school and then, perhaps, we go to college. Our minimum wage jobs in high school most likely can't afford such a pricey education, so someone helps us finance it -mom, dad, loans, a wealthy great Aunt, however you do it. Then we graduate with a degree. We're a "big shot" now. We get a job, and start earning our "own" money. We quickly forget how we got here and suddenly begin to believe that our salaries and everything we buy with them is our own.

But I believe differently. I believe that while we do put forth the effort, that it is still all a gift. Yes, a gift. Something that we have not purchased on our own, but a gift: something given voluntarily without payment in return. Take a moment to consider that.


As I am reminded that nothing is own, I am reminded that not even my life is my own... but a life granted to me by a gracious Father.

At the end of the day, anything that we feel God unjustly takes from us --a dear friend, our job, our health, a comfortable bank account, and even our own life --is, in fact, giving God back what we're just borrowing.

I love the thought of being (H)is

I love the thought of being (H)is.

As I’ve returned to a life without Hunter (physically present, that is) I’ve noticed something. I get excited to show off my engagement ring. This isn’t out of wanting to be “flashy” or show off “status” (I still can’t believe I’m wearing something that costs the equivalent of hundreds of subway sandwiches on my hand without a body guard to protect my little ring finger). I get excited to show off my engagement ring because it’s me saying to the world “Look, I’m taken! Don’t even think about it, I am committed to a man who I love deeply and who loves and cherishes me.”

I get excited to pay for groceries at Publix and hand my debit card to the cashier…

I get excited to hold and sip out of my coffee cup at the blind tiger as I’m writing this…

I get excited to type boring emails…

I get excited to read braille with my students...

I get excited to hold my pencil, or silverware, or anything! (It’s not so bad being left-handed afterall)

As I think of why I’m so excited to show the world that soon I get to be Hunter’s, it brings up a thought that I hadn’t considered until just now.

I can let this excitement point to another sweet kind of belonging. I am God’s. No, I don’t have a ring to show it. But I get something better; I get his Spirit inside of me. And here’s the cool part, while this diamond on my finger is shiny and brilliant, God’s Holy Spirit living in me shines even more brilliantly. No, I don’t have a physical outward sign of belonging to Christ, but I have this insanely powerful inward transformation, which in turn affects everything else about me, even my outward appearance. 

When I pay for my groceries, I don’t get to show off the ring on my finger. Instead, I get to show off how God has changed me! I can genuinely ask about their life and care for them during our brief interaction.  

It’s the same with any of these scenarios that I mentioned above. I get to be a living sacrament that points people to God. I get to walk around confidently and excitedly, knowing that I am His. I get to live loved and show others where to run to so they can find deep satisfaction and belonging. 

Praise God I have something so joyful to make even the most common-place activities filled with the excitement of telling others “Come and See.”