My Blank Check

Lord I want to do so many things…

Lord, I want to be a counselor,

But if the counsel you would have me provide looks different…

Let it be so.

Lord, I want to be a speaker for the masses,

But if the script you gives me sounds different or even silent…

Let it be so.

Lord, I want to lead people into worship,

But if that song needs to rise out of my own sorrow…

Let it be so.

Lord, I want to be a living sacrifice,

But if that means counting the cost and being faithful unto death…

Let it be so.

Psalm 118

Psalm 118

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

This verse seems so simple and straightforward, but I think it’s one of the most difficult for me to truly understand. It reminds me to give thanks, remember that God is good, and that his love is unfailing. It reminds me that God has not made a mistake, does not need reprimanding, and has not allowed me to lose a battle. Instead, it breathes hope and allows for trust.

To me, this verse means trusting God in the middle of sorrow and believing that he is still worthy to be praised. It does not necessarily mean that my sorrow will be lifted, but I’m beginning to understand that it’s okay. I’m coming to a place where I feel defenseless but I find freedom knowing that my life is not my own.

God is reminding me that I have a lot to give thanks for, that he is my good Father, and that he has not forgotten me.  And God is teaching me how to quietly and beautifully bear my sorrow through his grace and power… Because my sorrow means that God will be near, and I desire his presence more than a life of contentment without his presence.

 “So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
And what if heartache still remains?
I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you.
'Cause You are faithful 

You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
Find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone,
When the fear is strong
When the pain is real,
When it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken
And my heart is broken
And my joy is stolen,
God I know that...”

4/12/15

 “Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.”  (Luke 5:18-19)

I feel like I can relate to this man. Sometimes I get to a place where I know that I need to encounter Jesus for healing but am unsure how to go about it. I realize I need Jesus, but I feel incapable of getting to him because of whatever “crowd” is in the way. Sometimes that crowd looks like my sin, apathy, lack of faith, or even just physical weakness and tiredness.

Lord, I know I need to eat but I cannot feed myself.

Lord, bring me to the water…  For I need to drink, but I cannot get there on my own.  

Let my faith bring me to the feet of Jesus.

Join the Cause

Sometimes it 's great to have a cause, a reason for doing things. I've realized, though, that sometimes it's better not to have a cause. Let me explain.


These days it seems like there's always a catch... the BOGO cookies at the grocery store really aren't, a free lunch really isn't, or a good deed is actually in search of an IOU. There are a lot of different things to rally behind -lots of good things! But sometimes these good things and our good intentions can cause us to get distracted from an even better thing. They can take our minds off the bigger cause: To seek first the kingdom of heaven.

It seems like there is always an underlying agenda in our interactions. They're always in search of something... a signature, an email address, or a purchase. But what if we loved others with the sole intention of just loving them. Not walking up to people expecting anything but approaching them for them.

Living a different kind of life takes approaching life a different kind of way. It involves living a life of engagement and loving people in real ways for no real reason. I believe this kind of love permeates far deeper than any other. This love points hearts to a perfect supernatural kind of love.

The kind of love that Jesus modeled was a self-sacrificing, all encompassing, and limitless kind of love. I am always amazed by Jesus' death on the cross. There were no conditions that he expected us to meet or thank you notes that he expected to receive. Jesus loved freely. In following that example, let us not "charge" others for the free love we have received, but give generously that it may turn others to the source.

3/22

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

This morning as I sang these words at church, I sang them with great heavenly anticipation:

"Heaven and earth are full, full of your glory, glory

My soul it overflows full of your glory, your glory

Oh blessed is he who reigns, full of your glory, your glory

My cup, it can't contain all of your glory, your glory"

God currently has me in a season of life that seems to be filled with great sorrow and oftentimes, hopelessness. There are times throughout this experience where God feels so near and others when I have to fight for truth and light.

It's difficult to choose joy and is truly a battle when it seems like my circumstances offer an endless amount of sorrow and only a small helping of joy. It's difficult when it seems like I'm using all of my strength to stay afloat and I have little left to use to serve. But it's in those times of crippling weakness that I undeniably know that I am in need of a heavenly supply.

I can't wait for a day when, like the Bible says, there will be no more sorrow or weeping. But until then, I can choose to sing, not only in the absence of pain, but even while weeping.

"Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be my helper." You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever." 

It's when I'm in the valley that I can sit beside my Savior and ask him for comfort. "He was a man acquainted with sorrows" and knows the depth of our pain. He can sympathize and comfort because he has been there and conquered it all. 

I am reminded that times of sorrow do not indicate an absence of love. In fact, it was in a time of deepest sorrow that love abounded on the cross. Thank you Lord for the suffering that lead to our redemption!

3/16

The Lord is teaching me the art of being passionate with where I’m at. Although my heart wants to be back in Boston, He is reminding me of the work that is still left to do in Tallahassee. Tonight as I prayed for short rounds and a talkative Night staff to pass the time (keeping up a conversation with a stranger is hard to do for half an hour), the Lord faithfully gave me what I asked for.  

For half an hour, I was able to spend time with a not so fond of Christians, Chinese and Buddhist studies major, originally from Boston. As I walked and listened to my new friend, I also couldn’t help but marvel at God’s sovereignty and love for people.

A few days ago the mission had been to share the hope we have with people in Boston. Now the mission was to love a college student in Tallahassee.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Witnessing to the ends of the earth means being faithful and present now. As God has been reminding me in Exodus, he goes before and behind us. God promises to give us grace and direction as we move. 

In Boston as we rode public transportation each day, it was easy to just put in headphones or talk to friends from our group. It wasn't until a few days into the trip that God reminded me of something that was said before we started: to "redeem my time" as I traveled. As I thought of it more and more, I realized how wasteful it would be to not make use of every opportunity in Boston. The travel time was just as important as planned projects and ministry. To neglect to pray and talk with the people around me just because I was waiting until I get off the bus to do so is just unwise.

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.…"

Ephesians 5:16

This mindset of  redeeming our time as we travel doesn't just apply to organized missions trip, but to the entirety of our time here on earth. How different would our days look if we lived less like we were on vacation and more like we were on mission?

2/28/15

Nothing satisfies my soul quite like Jesus does. I find that most days my heart is overwhelmed and aching for various things. Sometimes it's for little things and other times because there's so much going on with how fast-paced life can be. It's easy to lose my footing in the middle of such a rush.

 Some days there are small victories, like seeing a familiar face or doing well in class. But these things only bring a fleeting happiness with them. They don't have the capacity to sustain me for more than a few hours, much less a lifetime.

But in the quiet moments where I stop and rest, my soul finds more satisfaction than it did when I was striving and working. 

It's when I experience how these things don't satisfy that I am reminded of who really does. There is a far greater victory that is guaranteed. More often than not, this victory seems far off. But I am reminded that it's not dependent on me and that it is through Jesus that I am already victorious.

When I feel like I'm falling behind in the race that the world is running, He stoops down beside me and gently reminds me: "It's not them you're running for. You are in a different race.."

I remember my Savior who was well acquainted with deep sorrow and how he fixed his eyes on an eternal reward.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."

Isaiah 26:3