For the 21st Century Feminist

Questions that seek to understand are life-giving.

I'm going to be honest, I don't entirely understand feminism or what drives it so deeply into the hearts of many young adults. I have a feeling it's about much more than gender equality. My belief in God as a good and purposeful creator causes me to praise him for the differences in gender. I think it is a beautiful thing that he created male and female in his image. I see my status as a 23 year old female not as something that limits me or makes me unequal to men. No, I see it as a deep honor to be so thoughtfully created with unique purpose. I see myself as infinitely valuable, not because of my gender, but solely because I am created in the image of the Father.

As I sat in a sauna with my passionately feminist sister, I laid aside my own "points" and opinions and asked that God would help me genuinely seek to understand why she believes so strongly what she believes.

Some of the questions used to understand were:

What is feminism? 
The equal treatment of men and women. So feminism isn't just about women? No girl, feminism is for both genders. So why don't they call it humanism? Umm, huMAN. It has the word man in it. Plus women are the ones who are more often treated unequally. Well, Katie even female has the word MALE in it.

What really frustrates you about the way society treats gender?
From a young age, gender stereotypes are ingrained in us. Separating boys and girls during PE when there's no physical difference yet and telling girls it's because the boys are stronger. Mom and dad pushed Alex to be better at math because he's a boy and males should be better at math. You could've been so smart in math. you weren't bad at it, you were told you were.
Mom and dad don't believing I (Katie) have a medical problem with my sleep but they care about Alex's blood pressure. It's because women are seen as weak and when we complain it's not as significant. But when a "strong male" complains, it must be serious.
Girls are raised to believe and fantasize about being mothers and wives. They aren't career-driven or pushed to be as successful as men. They just want to get married.
Mom and dad basing her intelligence off of her SATs and not her potential. It negatively effects her.
Well, what about self motivation. That only goes so far. What about students whose parents aren't involved in their education (students from low SES backgrounds). Feminism doesn't stand up for them. It's different to have parent's that just don't care than parents who are telling you that you can't.


So what's the ideal?
Gender wouldn't exist. There would be no male or female

But even if gender didn't exist, there would still be societal conflict. People would still kill, and steal, and commit crimes. Even if we didn't have to worry about makeup or appearance, we would find another way to occupy our time with ourselves. People are inherently selfish and inwardly focused. Solving the gender problem is just a small slice of the problem. 
Eliminating gender doesn't make you more valuable. I know that. Then where do you find your value. God.
Okay, what does God say about your value? About your value as a woman.
Well here's what the bible says about your value.

The Bible says your role as a female (in marriage) calls for your husband not only to honor and respect you, but to DIE for you. To love love you as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like a God that really cares about you being valued. And as wives, women are called to submit to their husbands, who are submitting to God as their ultimate authority. So when a woman is following her husband, she can be confident that it is not the selfish motives of man, but the sovereign care of God that she is submitting to.

So why can't we just eliminate the middle man (husband)? That's just unnecessary. Why can't each person just listen to God on their own? If you don't want to submit to a husband, God gives you the freedom not to marry.

So do you really think God is a man. The bible opens up with "He." Do you really think he isn't above gender...

I believe God is the creator of gender. 

The Bible is so sexist. It's one-sided. Why did only sexist men write it?

It is divinely inspired by God and it's infallible. Even if it's written by man, it's really the words of God without error, regardless of what gender wrote it. 

Really? Do you really believe that? It's hard to believe that a loving God would be so sexist. Yes God inspired it, but it isn't infallible. You're trying to tell me that sexist men didn't have any influence on writing how men were created first and then women came second. And they didn't have any influence over blaming Eve for eating the apple. Yes, I know Adam chose to eat it by his own will, but they still try to place the blame on her by saying she offered it to him. I just can't believe that a loving God would write that...  and you really think God is a man? I think he's a strong black woman.

As the conversation progressed, it became apparent that neither one of us would budge. A mind that is not believing truth won't understand truth. That's the hard part about trying to share God's heart with people who do not hold it to be true. It doesn't make sense. Why should it make sense! So I chose to diffuse the conversation and turn to God. I know that I'm completely helpless to change hearts. It's a work that only God himself can do, so I turn to him.

Here are some of my unorganized reflections:

The issue is not gender.

There is defensiveness and bitterness that need to be healed. -Towards parents
Self-worth that needs to be re-examined. Self-esteem issues. Not something that you can do by yourself. Need to look to GOD. Your value is established. It doesn't need to be earned, it needs to be thoroughly believed.

"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." 2 Corinthians 4:4

"They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts." Ephesians 4:18

"But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away." 2 Corinthians 3:14

Long-Suffering

10/26/16

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship.”

Sacrifice is one of the first words that come to mind when I think of how my job has been producing growth in me lately. It has required a lot of sacrifice and dying to self, which is extremely painful for a prideful sinner like me. 

Being a living sacrifice involves being totally engulfed in flames. It’s not a task that allows you to choose which parts you are willing to give up. Instead, it involves surrendering everything to the flame knowing that it is completely impartial in choosing what it consumes… it only stops until everything has been burned.

I’m also learning what it means to be long-suffering. An example of how God is stretching me in that way was an IEP meeting I held yesterday for a student. As the primary service provider for the student, it is my responsibility is to write the draft myself and facilitate the discussion of the document at the meeting. Don’t get me wrong, I get lots of good feedback at the meeting, but the majority of the work falls on me to manage the meeting. I’m pretty much on my own to write the 20 page document and have very little experience or support on how to do so. 

As I mentioned in the previous post, my attitude towards writing this IEP has really changed. While originally my objective was to just get it done, my heart began to change and desire to work at it wholeheartedly and really want to do a good job on it for the sake of my student. The hour before the meeting was quite stressful. The system was not working properly so I had to retype a few of the pages. At 2 o’clock it was game time. All of the attendees whom I had invited were there –the guidance counselor, IEP specialist, general education teacher, O&M specialist, Nurse, Coordinator of visually impaired programs, and the school psychologist. 

By 3:30, we had discussed some very practical ways to emotionally support the student and I was thankful for such in-depth conversation by the participants. But one by one, the majority of the attendees left (since school gets out at 3) and eventually I was left to finish the IEP on my own. I sat there trying my best to type in the information, but felt like I really didn’t understand many of the parts. 

Earlier in the meeting, there was discussion about what to do about his class schedule. 

You see, most of his teachers don't know what to do with him and because of that, they don't want him in their class. His reading teacher told me that she thinks it’s a waste of her time to teach reading to a kid who can’t see the words. Then, when we asked the culinary teacher if the student could take his class, he said that he didn't think it was a good idea. Teacher after teacher kept turning us away. My heart was saddened. Why is nobody fighting for him? Nobody wants him i their class. Nobody is staying for his meeting. Nobody wants to take responsibility for him. People are giving up on him. 

Normal me probably would've been very annoyed and frustrated that nobody was there to help me, especially since I was new at this. But something very different happened. I felt God working in my soul. 

As I sat there by myself, I was completely calm. I found it interesting that at 5:45, I was the only one still there fighting for this student, even when he didn't attend his own meeting. What would make me want to do this? Nothing from my own strength. It was totally God who gave me the joy and desire to keep fighting for this student!

So how does any of this relate to sacrifice? I truly believing that God is teaching me about sacrificial love through this student. I am being challenged to sacrifice my time, my comfort, my plans, my own convenience all for him. All for a student who I know I won't receive a "thank you" from or any other recognition for that matter.  

So what's the point? Why fight for someone who I know will not give me anything in return? For someone who is totally undeserving... For someone who doesn't even want to fight for theirself? 

Because God.

His Word sums it up best:

Romans 5:6-8

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

This student and I are really not so different. Before Christ, I was totally helpless. I was undesirable. I was totally undeserving of God's love and totally deserving of Him turning his face away. But God kept fighting for me. While others might've said don't fight for these sinners, God saw a broken people who were worth fighting for. He saw people who were lost causes and would've been totally just to leave us that way! But instead of giving us what we deserve, God stepped in and gave everything for us. Jesus knew that some would acknowledge what he has done and some would turn away and He still chose the cross? Does this give you chills? Does this good news fill your eyes with tears?

Let this news make you become undone! We are so deeply loved. 

It is because I know and believe this truth it that I can continue joyfully sacrificing and suffering for this student. I love because he has loved me. God loves you my dear student! Lord, let my long-suffering and joyful sacrifice point this student to the greater sacrifice and joy found in You!

What is love? Baby don't hurt me

Can I even love unselfishly?

That's a great question. Until recently, I don't think I've ever really considered that thought.

It seems like the only love that I know is a selfish love. Let me explain. My intentions aren't totally wrong, at least they don't seem to be, but I've only ever received something in return for my "love". Whether it's a fuzzy feeling, acknowledgment, an ego boost, or even an "I love you too."

My view of love is tainted by selfishness.

I've noticed that lately my heart is so hardened toward loving my students because they are love-suckers. They just like to suck the love out of you without giving anything in return. But wait a minute...

This bothers me because I'm not getting anything in return. Until now, I've never experienced having to give this kind of love.

My combative fists begin to fall and my hardened heart begins to soften... Hmm.

Another reminder that my life is not my own

Another reminder that my life is not my own

When I woke up today, I was grumpy to say the least. I didn’t want to get out of bed and I definitely did not want to go to work or trust God with my day. The 30 minute drive to work was work in itself, fighting to pray and believe that God could redeem my day and my heart. I knew that it would be best if I trusted him with everything that was ahead of me, but I was so stubborn in believing that my day would just be bad because I had made up my mind that it would be so. I did the only thing I knew: Reached out for prayer because I was helpless.

As the day unfolded, I saw more and more evidences of God’s grace weaved into it –you see, nothing had really changed. The day was still full of the same problems… paperwork, difficult students, way too much to do and too little time… but my heart had dramatically changed. I felt a lightness towards those very same burdens that seemed too heavy to lift just a few hours previously. The load hadn’t changed, but the one carrying it had.

The dreaded IEPs:

This past weekend, I brought some work home with me. You see, I have an IEP coming up Tuesday afternoon (tomorrow :0) that I needed to write up. My attitude towards it was just wanting to get it done as quickly as possible so that I could get it off my mind and enjoy my weekend –I already do enough for these kids! Plus, I don’t even get paid to work on these in my personal time!

As I worked on the same unfinished IEP today though, I noticed something had changed in my approach to this cumbersome task. There was a desire to work on it and do it well. (I know, that should always be the goal). I sincerely wanted to do a good job and not just get it done. I wanted to provide information that would be beneficial and set goals that would be helpful to my student.

The invitation:

As I went through my day, I received an invitation to go over my friend Hope’s house for dinner. I was a bit hesitant to accept, especially since I felt that I would need the whole rest of the afternoon to complete the IEP, but I accepted anyways. (Poor decision or good decision… stay tuned!)

As I sat outside enjoying a nice homemade bowl of chili with Hope and her family, I was very thankful for God’s provision of some great friends. Hope mentioned that her friend Kaydee would be coming over for dinner (Summarize kaydee: moving soon, high school friend of Hopes, smart, science, praying for opportunities to share with her)

We prayed that our time with Kaydee would be glorifying to God. Kaydee actually walked in the door just as we had finished praying.

Over a game of Settlers of Katan, God totally showed up in our conversation. Shared about our experiences with depression and aniety. Wow God. Totally not how I expected this conversation to go, but your name is all over it.

Going into the time of prayer at Hope’s, I had a feeling that it would be costly. Let me explain: I had a feeling that even though I badly needed to leave early and work on the IEP, God would challenge me to surrender my plans and my timeline. And he did. On a day where I expected to use all of my time to work on this paperwork, I am just now getting home for the first time today. Still no completed IEP. But get this, I get to rest because something of much more value is already completed to a perfect standard. I get to rest in Christ’s completed work on the cross and know that even when a day starts out feeling like it’ll end in defeat, I get to be victorious, no matter what, because Christ has done it!

Praise God for that!

Stories from a Sick Teacher

This week has been a humbling reminder of a lot of different things, including God's sovereignty.
If you asked me to plan out my week, I probably would've filled it with things that I know would forsure bring me enjoyment, ease, and joy. My desire for comfort leaves little room for scheduling some hard lessons learned through suffering into my week.

On Monday, I was able to wake up a bit earlier than normal which gave me time to be still before the leaving for work. Trying to get back in the word is something I've been discouraged by but oh my, it was so good! I love having God at the center of my life and work! It brings so much joy!

Tuesday started out much the same. Woke up a bit earlier and had some time to read. As I got ready, my stomach hurt a little bit... it just felt empty and like I needed to eat something. I drove to school encouraged by the time I had spent with the Lord and was excited to spend another day leaning on his strength as I went about teaching and planning.

By 10:45am I had thrown up twice and decided to head home. I felt awful and nauseous. After fighting back sickness the entire drive home, I stumbled up the sidewalk, pausing to throw up in the bushes before I climbed up the stairs to my apartment.

I continued throwing up for the next 3 hours and dozed in and out of sleep on the bathroom floor. I finally reached out to my friend Hope and asked if she would take me to the clinic. I waited and mustered up a few prayers... Lord, please help.

I heard Hope knock on the door.

I love that part of the story. Where I am helpless and unable to even sit up and then help comes. Sound familiar, eh? If that story isn't ringing a bell, I will explain later.

In case you're dying to know the end of the story, a few pills and good conversations later I was on my way to recovery. Still weak and exhausted, but feeling well cared for by Hope and my God.

I'm not gonna lie, I hadn't felt that sick in a couple of years. I was pallid and weak and drained. But at the end of the day, I couldn't help but feel so thankful! I've lived in Tampa for about a month and a half and am incredibly grateful that I had a good friend I could call who was able to drop everything and come to my help. Thank you Lord for community! I had just been to that same clinic the week before to refill a prescription so I knew it was close by and already had my info on file. Thank you Lord for your planning! It was Tuesday so my students had mobility lessons aka I wasn't missing any lessons. Thank you Lord that you know all of the details of my life!

This little excerpt from my short life here on earth reminds me that I am weak. I live in a fragile body that gets sick, tired, and breaks down. This world isn't my home, and that's a good thing! I get to wait with hope and experience more and more of how God loves and cares for me.

Thank you Lord for protecting and providing for me through friends and your sovereign timing.

Teacher Teacher

This post is gonna take a different spin... I am still convinced that the title is appropriate. I don't know everything and I'm well aware, but this is the irony. I'm a teacher. Aren't teachers supposed to know things? Aren't they supposed to be super smart and educated? After all, they teach others, right? How can you teach other people without knowing a thing or two yourself.


After 5 years of college, 3 of those years which were spent studying in detail how to educate visually impaired individuals, and countless hours of internships and observations I feel... weak. You would think that I could solve any problem and spit out every eye disease and how to treat it, but that's just not the case. In my pride, I have convinced myself that I'm now capable of handling everything at my job alone. After all, I should be "the expert" right? But God has quickly been bringing to my attention that no amount of education makes me self-sufficient. I am totally in need of Him, not just for the things that are out of my control, but also in the things that I have the illusion that I can control on my own.
This job is no different than surrendering the future, or sickness, financial hardships, or even my next breath to Him. Although those situations seem like a no-brainer to bring to God, I am just as needy as a teacher because underneath it all, I am a sinner who is in constant need of grace.

As I look to the future and what this school year could be like, I desperately want God's help. After only a week in, I am exhausted and left feeling helpless. But praise be to God whose grace is sufficient! No, I don't know it all and I might be the first teacher willing to admit that. But what I do know is that He who is in me is greater than anything I could conjure up on my own. He is Abba Father. He is the Great Physician. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the Rock of Ages. He is the Great I AM. He is Creator. He is Savior of the world. He is Redeemer. He is Wisdom. He is Teacher... and He is more than qualified to equip me to teach.

Is One Important?

What difference does it make teaching this ONE kid? Is it worth all of the time and planning and effort…

I follow Jesus as my example. He counted that ONE kid important enough to leave the 99 to go find them. He loved this ONE student so much that he laid down his life for him.

Lord, help me not to see one student as insignificant or question if my teaching will really make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Give me the mind of Christ towards my students and help me to love them fiercely and know that Christ fought for them!
  
If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices more over that one sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray.…